Frasier (TV Series)

The Last Time I Saw Maris (1995)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Niles : And I stormed out and slammed the door! Of course, it was that fourteenth century Bavarian cathedral door, so I had to get two of the servants to help me slam it, but what it lacked in spontaneity it made up for in resonance.

• Niles : Oh, Frasier, thank God you're here.

  Daphne Moon : Any news, Dr. Crane?

  Niles : No, no, I asked the neighbors if they'd seen any strange cars in the neighborhood. One reported spotting something called a "minivan."

• Niles : [Niles is leaving Maris's house for a trial separation]  Have I got my wallet?

  [pats pocket] 

  Niles : Yes.

  [turns to leave, but turns back again] 

  Niles : Have I got my checkbook?

  [pats other pocket] 

  Niles : Yes.

  [turns to leave, but turns back again] 

  Niles : Have I lost my MIND? I can't leave! This is my home! You're not taking me!

• Martin Crane : Mike ran a check on Maris's credit cards, there's been a whole bunch of charges in New York.

  Niles : Oh, God. She's been kidnapped. Someone's using her credit cards.

  Martin Crane : [into phone]  Yeah, O.K., slow down. Armani... Valentino... Cartier... Tiffany...

  Niles : Any restaurants?

  Martin Crane : [into the phone]  Any restaurants?

  [to Niles] 

  Martin Crane : Not a one.

  Niles : [springing up with joy]  She's alive!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, Niles! You're certain!

  Niles : Oh, yes! From that list, she's recreating her infamous "Sakes alive, I'm thirty-five" shopping spree!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, you've just been through a very traumatic experience here and you are deep in denial here. You are going through some very extreme emotions right now, and rather than feeling them, you're denying they even exist.

  Niles : I'm not denying my feelings. I'm so in tune with my emotions I was able to move through them quickly. In fact, I've logged them all in my journal.

  [He takes out a small notebook and reads from it] 

  Niles : Let's see, where are we? Here...

  [reading] 

  Niles : "Awake, 5:00 AM: Blissful confusion. Something's happened, but what? 5:01: Ah, yes. An overwhelming sense of emptiness and despair. 5:07..."--this one's hard to read... oh, right!--"Wept uncontrollably. 6:15: All cried out. Hungry now. Ate entire box of Frosted Flakes, they're gr-r-r-reat!"

  [closes journal] 

  Niles : So don't you tell ME I'm not in touch with my emotions!

  Martin Crane : [Niles exits]  9:45: Get out the butterfly net.