Frasier (TV Series)

The Innkeepers (1995)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : Oh, by the way, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle nightspot is closing its doors.

  Niles : Roz, you're moving?

  [Roz takes Niles' vintage book and licks the cover] 

• Frasier : All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels!

  Niles : Wait, wait! What?

  Frasier : I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels!

  Niles : Wait, wait. How do you suggest I do that?

  Frasier : How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!

• [trying to decide on a name for their restaurant] 

  Niles : Oh! What's the word for "lighthearted" in French?

  Frasier : There isn't one... I've got it! Niles, I've got it! Les Freres Heureux.

  Niles : The Happy Brothers. Brilliant! It's homey but just hard enough to pronounce to intimidate the riff-raff.

• Niles : How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to imbed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?

  Frasier : Another question we should have asked ourselves before we entered the exciting world of food service.

• Frasier : We'll make the place very, very exclusive! No sign on the outside, no advertisements and oh, an unlisted number!

  Martin Crane : Hey, well don't stop there! Maybe you could post some guards on the roof who can shoot people as they try to get in.

  [Daphne laughs] 

  Frasier : Never mind him. I believe, Niles. Do you believe?

  Niles : I believe!

  Otto : Have you decided what you'd like?

  Frasier : Yes. I'd like the whole damn place... right from the wine cellar to the rafters!

  Otto : [long pause]  And for the lady?

• Frasier : Niles, how are those eels coming along?

  Niles : I'm just trimming them now.

  [hacks into the aquarium with a cleaver] 

  Frasier : Oh, no, Niles! Take them out of the tank!

  Niles : Not until I'm sure they're dead!

  Daphne Moon : Oh for Heaven's sake!

  [walks over to the tank, grabs an eel and bashes its head against the table, it goes limp, hands it to Niles] 

  Daphne Moon : Here!

• Frasier : Daphne, Dad. Everything alright here?

  Daphne Moon : Oh, yes Dr. Crane. Whatever this anguille is, it's perfectly smashing.

  Frasier : It's our chef's specialty. The man can do things with eels you just wouldn't believe.

  Martin Crane : I arrested a guy for that once.

• Daphne Moon : Why are Americans always in such an almighty rush to tear things down? At home, we treasure our antiquities but you people just can't wait to bring in the bulldozers.

  Niles : You know, I'm inclined to agree with Daphne.

  Frasier : I'll try to contain my amazement.

• Frasier : I'd order him a crab cocktail, but I'm afraid the irony would be lost on him.

• Frasier : Orsini's is closing.

  Niles : Oh, it can't be. It's part of Crane history. Grandfather took me there for my eighth birthday. Childhood memories, so vivid. Wearing paper hats, singing Happy Birthday, sending back the Veal Prince Orlov.