Frasier (TV Series)

The Good Son (1993)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Niles : I thought you liked my Maris.

  Frasier : I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun. Except without the warmth.

• [Frasier is showing his father his apartment] 

  Frasier : Dad, what do you think of that view, huh? Hey, that's the Space Needle there.

  Martin : Oh, thanks for pointing that out. Being born and raised here, I never would have known.

• Frasier : Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating. On top of that, my practice had grown stagnant, and my social life consisted of hanging around a bar night after night. You see, I was clinging to a life that wasn't working, and I knew I had to do something, anything. So I ended the marriage once and for all, packed up my things, and moved back here to my hometown of Seattle. Go Seahawks.

• Frasier : Have you ever had an unexpressed thought?

  Niles : I'm having one now.

• Frasier : My study? You expect me to give up my study, the place where I read, where I do my most profound thinking?

  Martin : Ah, use the can like the rest of the world!

• Frasier : How was I today?

  Roz : Let's see... you dropped two commercials, you left a total of twenty-eight seconds of dead air, you scrambled the station's call letters, you spilled yogurt on the control board, and you kept referring to Jerry, with the identity crisis, as "Jeff."

• [Frasier and Niles are looking through brochures for rest homes for Martin, and Niles is trying to talk Frasier into taking him in] 

  Niles : Golden Acres. We care, so you don't have to.

  Frasier : It says that?

  Niles : Well, it might as well.

• [Frasier's single life has been upset by his father moving in with him] 

  Roz : Ever heard of Lupe Velez?

  Frasier : Who?

  Roz : Lupe Velez, the movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids, so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide - flowers, candles, silk sheets, white satin gown, full hair and makeup, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed, and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper. Unfortunately, the pills don't sit well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet, and that's how they found her.

  Frasier : Is there a reason you're telling me this story?

  Roz : Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.

  Frasier : Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.

  Roz : All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?

• Frasier : You're a psychiatrist, you know what it's like to listen to people prattling on endlessly about their mundane lives.

  Niles : Touche. And on that subject, I heard your show today.

• Frasier : No, not Eddie!

  Martin : But he's my best friend!

  Frasier : But he's weird! He gives me the creeps, all he does is stare at me!

• Frasier : [a delivery man drops off Martin's chair...]  Dad as dear as this piece is to you, I just don't think it goes with anything here.

  Martin : I know, it's eclectic!

• Daphne : Wait a minute! I'm getting something on you - you're a florist!

  Frasier : No, I'm a psychiatrist.

  Daphne : Oh, well, it comes and goes. Usually it's strongest around my time of the month... so I guess I let a little secret out there.

  Frasier : It's safe with us. Well, Miss Moon, I think we've learned everything we need to about you, and a dash extra!

  Daphne : [turning to Eddie]  You're a dog, aren't you?

• [last lines] 

  Roz : Dr Crane, we have Claire on line four. She's having a problem getting over a relationship.

  Frasier : Hello, Claire. I'm listening.

  Claire : I'm a... well, I'm a mess! Eight months ago my boyfriend and I broke up, and I just can't get over it. The pain isn't going away. It's almost like I'm in mourning or something.

  Frasier : Claire, you are in mourning. But you're not mourning the loss of your boyfriend. You're mourning the loss of what you thought your life was going to be. Let it go. Things don't always work out how you planned; that's not necessarily bad. Things have a way of working out anyway... have you ever heard of Lupe Velez?

• [after interviewing Daphne] 

  Frasier : Dad, what are you doing?

  Martin : You wanted me to pick one, I picked one.

  Frasier : But she's a kook, I don't like her!

  Martin : Well, what difference does it make to you? She's only going to be here when you're not.

  Frasier : Then... what's my problem?

  [laughs] 

  Frasier : Daphne!

  [Daphne emerges from the powder room] 

  Frasier : You've been retained.

  Daphne : Oh, wonderful! I had a premonition.

  Frasier : Quelle surprise.

  Daphne : I'll move my things in tomorrow.

  Frasier : Oh, move in? Oh, I'm sorry, there must be some misunderstanding. Er, this isn't a live-in position.

  Daphne : Oh, dear. Well the lady at the agency...

  Frasier : The lady at the agency was wrong; this is just a part-time position. I'm, I'm afraid it just won't work out.

  Martin : [standing up]  Hold on there, Frasier, let's talk about this!

  Frasier : Dad, there's nothing to discuss!

  Daphne : You two should talk about this. I'll just pop back in here and enjoy some more of your African erotic art.

  [Daphne is about to go back in to the powder but Frasier stops her] 

  Frasier : Daphne, Daphne - I think it would be best if you leave.

  Daphne : Oh well, alright then.

  [heads for the door] 

  Frasier : Don't be alarmed. We'll contact you. If not by telephone, then through the toaster.

  [Daphne leaves] 

• Frasier : Dad, I'm not having another person living in this house!

  Martin : Give me one good reason why not!

  Frasier : Well, for one thing, there's no room for her!

  Martin : What about that room right across the hall from mine?

  Frasier : My study? You expect me to give up my study - the place where I read, where I do my most profound thinking?

  Martin : Ah, use the can like the rest of the world! You'll adjust!

  Frasier : [angry]  I don't want to adjust! I've done enough adjusting! I'm in a new city, I've got a new job, I'm separated from my little boy, which in itself is enough to drive me nuts. And now my father and his dog are living with me! Well, that's enough on my plate, thank you. The whole idea of getting somebody in here was to help ease my burden, not to add to it!

  Martin : [looks at Eddie]  Oh, do you hear that, Eddie? We're a burden.

  Frasier : Oh Dad, Dad, you're, you're twisting my words! I meant burden in its most positive sense!

  Martin : As in, "Gee what a lovely burden"?

  Frasier : Something like that, yes!

  Martin : Well, you're not the only one who got screwed here, you know. Two years ago I'm sailing toward retirement and some punk robbing a convenience store puts a bullet in my hip. Next thing you know, I'm trading in my golf clubs for one of these.

  [pounds his cane to the ground] 

  Martin : Well, I had plans too, you know! And this may come as a shock to you, sonny boy, but one of them wasn't living with you.

  Frasier : I'm just trying to do the right thing, here. I'm trying to be the good son.

  Martin : Oh, don't worry, son. After I'm gone you can live guilt-free, knowing you've done right by your pop.

  Frasier : You think that's what this is about, guilt?

  Martin : Isn't it?

  Frasier : Of course it is! But the point is, I did it! I took you in! And I've got news for you - I wanted to do it!

  [on the verge of tears] 

  Frasier : Because you're my father. And how do you repay me? Ever since you've moved in here it's been a snide comment about this or a smart little put-down about that.

  [grabs his coat and goes to the door] 

  Frasier : Well, I've done my best to make a home here for you, and once, just once, would it have killed you to say "thank you?" One lousy "thank you?"

  [Martin turns to face Frasier, who waits expectantly. Martin looks thoughtful] 

  Martin : [to Eddie]  Come on, Eddie, it's past your dinner time.

  [Eddie jumps off the couch and follows Martin into the kitchen] 

  Frasier : I'm going out.

  [Frasier leaves the apartment] 

• Frasier : Well, we'll, er, we'll be calling you, Miss Moon.

  Martin : Oh, why wait?

  [to Daphne] 

  Martin : You've got the job!

  Daphne : Oh, wonderful!

  Frasier : [to Martin]  Excuse me, excuse me, aren't you just forgetting a little something here? Don't you think we should talk about this in private?

  Daphne : Oh, of course you should; I completely understand.

  [she stands up and shoulders her bag] 

  Daphne : I'll just pop into the loo - you do have one, don't you?

  Frasier : [pointing to the powder room]  Yes.

  Daphne : Oh, I love America.

• Niles : You're a good son, Frasier.

  [frustrated] 

  Frasier : Oh, God, I am, aren't I?

• Frasier : [after Frasier has just met Daphne, Martin's new kooky, live-in physiotherapist]  The whole idea of getting somebody in here was to help ease my burden, not to add to it!

  Martin : Oh, do you hear that, Eddie? We're a burden.

  Frasier : Oh Dad, Dad, you're, you're twisting my words! I meant burden in its most positive sense!

  Martin : As in, "Gee, what a lovely burden?"

  Frasier : Something like that, yes!

• Frasier : Yes. Well, now, perhaps you should start by telling us a little bit about yourself, Miss Moon.

  Daphne : Well, I'm originally from Manchester, England...

  Frasier : Oh really, did you hear that, Dad?

  Martin : I'm three feet away. There's nothing wrong with my hearing.

• [Frasier is playing the piano when the doorbell rings. He stops playing, shuts the keyboard lid, and dejectedly makes his way to the door. Just before opening it, he casts a melodramatic gaze over his apartment: the last moment of solitude. Then, he opens the door] 

  Frasier : [upbeat]  Hi!

  [laughs] 

  Frasier : [Niles enters, carrying two suitcases] 

  Niles : We finally made it!

  [Martin follows Niles inside] 

  Frasier : Ah Dad, Dad, welcome to your new home!

  [Frasier hugs Martin, who does not reciprocate and looks less than thrilled] 

  Frasier : You look great.

  Martin : Don't B.S. me, I do not look great. I spent Monday on the bathroom floor. You can still see the tile marks on my face.

  [Martin takes a seat on the couch] 

  Niles : [to Frasier]  Gives you some idea about the ride over in the car.

• [first lines of the series] 

  Frasier : Listen to yourself, Bob! You follow her to work, you eavesdrop on her calls, you open her mail. The minute you started doing these things, the relationship was *over*!

  [polite] 

  Frasier : Thank you for your call.

• Frasier : Niles, you don't still have the brochures from those rest homes, do you?

  Niles : Of course I do. Don't forget, Maris is five years older than I am.