- Martin Crane: Let's see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. The other son is jealous. Yep, life is good.
- Alistair Burke: Frasier, this apartment is stunning.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Thank you.
- Alistair Burke: The view - breathtaking; the art - perfect; the chair - hilarious.
- Roz Doyle: You know what Barry was doing from 10 O'clock until midnight?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What?
- Roz Doyle: Me! That's what. He's not gay.
- Servant: Shall I fire up the hot tub, sir?
- Alistair Burke: Absolutely.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.
- Alistair Burke: Then, you'll fit right in.
- Roz Doyle: [about Barry] Isn't he fabulous?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, yes, fabulous sums it up in a word.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh dad, do you care for a coffee?
- Martin Crane: Nah, I can see why you might think I would though. Guy walks into a coffee bar, you can't blame people for thinking he likes coffee.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm not gay.
- Alistair Burke: Oh Frasier, please don't tell me you're still struggling with those issues.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh I like you so much and I love our friendship, but I'm afraid I could never be more than friends.
- Alistair Burke: Would three weeks on Capri in Bertolucci's villa change your mind?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [thinks about it for a long long time] It's worth a try.
- Daphne Crane: It must be awfully hard work putting on an opera.
- Alistair Burke: It is utterly draining! In fact, when I'm in rehearsals, I devote every ounce of strength to it. No exercising, no jogging... I even abstain from sex! Well, you can ask Frasier here! My poor, dear... patient Frasier.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [while surveying the people attending Alistair's post-opera reception] Will you look at this crowd? It's like a Who's Who of the creme de la creme of the upper crust!
- Alistair Burke: [dancing with Frasier after Alistair's successful opera production] Frasier, do you have any idea how sexy you look in that tux?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, I do. Alistair, I'm afraid I may have given you the wrong impression about myself.
- Alistair Burke: You seem nervous. Don't be. And I want to thank you for waiting.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.
- Alistair Burke: Oh, me too!
- [twirls Frasier]
- Alistair Burke: How it sharpens the appetite. How it builds!
- [dancing more against him]
- Alistair Burke: The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh yes, there it is!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [who has just entered a gay bar where he meets the bartender Eduardo, who is also Frasier's furniture polisher] Well, I'll bet you're surprised to see me in here.
- Eduardo: [sardonically] Okay.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, the man's amazing. He has the musical panache of Leonard Bernstein and the nose of a Tuscan truffle hog.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Trying to explain his visit to a gay bar] All right, I am going to put an end to this discussion, because there is nothing to discuss. On my way home from the gym, I popped into Bad Billy's looking for a man I was hoping was in the bathroom. I had a quick sherry with my French polisher and then I left. As for how I got into another man's shorts, that is no one's business!
- Daphne Crane: I'm Daphne, Niles's wife.
- Alistair Burke: [sarcastically] No.
- Dr. Niles Crane: We're expecting.
- Alistair Burke: Can't say I was
- Martin Crane: Who's Alistair Burke?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the finest directors in the world.
- Dr. Niles Crane: His productions are brilliant. He staged a Phillip Glass opera last year, and no one left.