- Martin: Hey guys.
- Niles: Hey there.
- Daphne Moon: So, who won the squash game?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh Daphne, it's not about winning or losing, its about the thrill of competition.
- Martin: Congratulations Niles.
- Roz Doyle: Hey, Frasier! Nancy, hi!
- Nancy: Hi!
- Roz Doyle: So, are you back to work yet?
- Nancy: Almost, I start at KNFS tomorrow.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know, Roz, Nancy and I are having coffee.
- Roz Doyle: Oh, none for me, thanks.
- [to waitress]
- Roz Doyle: Listen, can I have a fat-free muffin, please? Nancy, I have been dying to call you. My cousin just moved to town and I think he'd be perfect for you!
- Nancy: Actually, I just started seeing someone.
- Roz Doyle: Well, you'll forget all about him when you meet Chuck. He is so handsome and rugged and he loves the outdoors...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Kindly leave him there. You see, the person that Nancy is seeing is me.
- Roz Doyle: Really? You two are dating?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Even as we speak!
- Roz Doyle: Oh, my God! I am so sorry. Well, good for you! I mean, who needs Chuck when you've got... well, the anti-Chuck?
- [she gets up]
- Roz Doyle: When my muffin gets here, could you send it over?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You won't even see it coming.
- Nancy: So, are we still on for Friday night?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, of course we are. You know, I was wondering... maybe we could just, uh...
- Nancy: Have dinner at your place?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, that's amazing. You read my mind again.
- Nancy: Well, I just thought it would be more comfortable. We could curl up on the couch, make a nice fire...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Can you guess what I'm thinking now?
- [she looks at him, then gasps and playfully slaps his face]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, you ARE good, aren't you?
- [Niles opens a box and pulls shredded paper aside. There is a small ring box which he opens. The only thing inside is a coin. He picks up the card and reads...]
- Niles: Roses are red, your heart is fickle. When I'm through with you... all you'll have left is this nickel.
- Martin: Oh, no.
- Niles: Oh, God... she's going to ruin me.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, no, Niles, maybe she's bluffing. You know, once she's signed the financial settlement...
- Niles: [picking up the paper] She's not bluffing. This IS the financial settlement.
- [Martin ruffles through the shredded paper Frasier's gift came in]
- Martin: Look at this mess. Ah, it's too bad it's not bubble wrap. Ha! You don't know what funny is until you've seen Eddie go after a sheet of that stuff. Poppity-pop-pop-pop! He gets all scared and runs away, and then he screws up his courage and comes back again, and - poppity-pop-pop! - he runs away again. Yeah, I watched him for an hour one time. You know, it's amazing how entertained he can be by somethin' so simple.
- [pause, then]
- Martin: Poppity-pop-pop-pop!
- [laughs]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: How did things go with Maris?
- Niles: I wish I knew. I returned the gifts and told her there was no chance of reconciliation. She didn't get mad. In fact, she was eerily calm. She just stood there with a blank stare on her face, rubbing her ocelot.
- Martin: You know, they got a cream for that.
- [Niles realizes that the expensive gifts in Frasier's bag are meant for him]
- Niles: [excited] You don't suppose it's Daphne?
- Martin: [sarcastic] Yeah, she took that second job washing that old Mrs. Lumpkin's hair just so she could give you Cartier. Besides, the note said it's someone you've been with.
- Niles: Hmm... there's been so few women since Maris. So few women before Maris. Hence there was Maris.
- Nancy: Don't ever call me again.
- Madeline: Or me, you freak!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Nancy, Madeline, please give me a second chance... either one of you!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, where were we?
- Nancy: Well, I think you were about to ask me out again.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: My gosh, so I was. Well, let's just see how far this ESP of yours goes: what night was I thinking of?
- Nancy: Friday night.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Astonishing! Busboy, clear these spoons before she starts bending them.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Ah, yes, there's a group of people that might regret leaving Club Frasier before last call.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, please, I have had enough of your finger wagging. I am doing what any red-blooded American man would do. For God's sake, there's nothing wrong with playing the field.
- Niles: It looks like you've been eating the field. What did you have for lunch?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Pesto. Oh, my God! I better go freshen up.
- Roz Doyle: Oh, my God. You have two women?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: At least.
- Roz Doyle: And you're juggling them? And you're getting jewelry?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Why is that so hard to believe?
- Roz Doyle: Well, I guess since they cloned that sheep, anything's possible.
- Niles: Oh, Frasier, why did I go over there? Why didn't I listen to you?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Why didn't I listen to you? If I had I'd be sitting with Nancy right now, sipping wine in front of the fire.
- Niles: I'll be stripped clean and devoured like an animal!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: And I WON'T be!
- Martin: Sounds like it's from someone who dumped you.
- Daphne Moon: Well, that's no short list now, is it?
- Martin: You know, maybe it's that Sonja woman he was going out with.
- Daphne Moon: Wasn't there a sister, too?
- Martin: And a niece!
- Niles: Oh, yes, he went through that family like a recessive gene.