- Martin Crane: If you weren't so damn stubborn, you'd apologize to Roz, get her back on the show, and everybody'd be happy.
- Frasier: As usual, you've overlooked a key psychological component in this whole issue.
- Martin Crane: You'd have to admit you were wrong.
- Frasier: Exactly!
- Frasier: Oh, Roz, Bulldog knows the blunt approach won't work with you, so he's being more subtle. But, his ultimate goal remains to... well, to...
- Roz: [sharply] To what?
- Dr. Niles Crane: To play Æneas to your Dido.
- [pause]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Sorry you had to hear that, Daphne.
- Frasier: Listen, Roz, if you need anything, feel free to call me absolutely any time. Well, except for the next three hours, of course, I'm at the opera. Oh, no, four hours, it's Wagner.
- Dr. Niles Crane: You think you had a bad week? This morning, Maris and I woke to the sound of our gardener Yoshi hacking his way through our prized topiary.
- Frasier: Well Niles, I've never understood why you wanted your hedges to be sculpted into the shapes of animals.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, we're both animal lovers, but Maris is unable to have pets. She
- [short pause]
- Dr. Niles Crane: ... distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Anyway, there was Yoshi, drunk as a lord, swinging his hedge trimmers wildly over his head. Before we could calm him, he had transformed Maris's prize stallion into some sort of obscene... goat-boy. The poor woman is inconsolable.
- Martin Crane: Hey, Roz!
- Roz: Hey, Martin, what's going on?
- Martin Crane: Oh, Niles bought me some new shoes!
- Daphne: [mock approvingly] Oh yes, look! They have tassels!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Aren't they exquisite? Those shoes were individually handmade by an artisan toiling in a hilltop village above Florence. The man is a hero there. It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes. They ring the cathedral bell and the whole town celebrates!
- Roz: There's a town that needs a bowling alley.
- Bulldog: [to Gil] Take the shoe off.
- Roz: Oh, oh...
- Gil Chesterton: Oh, dear.
- Roz: What is it?
- Gil Chesterton: I see it's been a while since our last pedicure.
- Frasier: [Frasier enters Roz's apartment, carrying a white box] Hi, Roz. How were things at the emergency room?
- Roz: Frustrating. You know how it is - you're sitting there in complete agony and every crybaby with a gunshot wound waltzes right in ahead of you. How was it after I left?
- Frasier: It was OK. Weird Bruce from Engineering took over for you.
- [looking around]
- Frasier: That's quite a boot collection. Wouldn't it be easier just to put notches in your bed post?
- Roz: Those are mine. You hate the way I've decorated, don't you?
- Frasier: No, no. Matter of fact, I admire your courage.
- Roz: Is that for me?
- Frasier: Oh, yes.
- [hands box to her]
- Frasier: Freud said that there are only two things we need to make us happy: work and love.
- Roz: Aw, thanks, Frasier!
- [opens the box]
- Roz: So you brought me work.
- Frasier: Well, I thought answering some of the fan mail that had been piling up would give you something to do. And remember, this time death threats don't get photos.
- Roz: You know, this is so insulting. You think Bulldog wants me to come work for him because he wants to get me into his bed. It doesn't even occur to you that he thinks I'm a good producer.
- Frasier: Roz, don't you think you're being just a tad naive?
- Roz: I'll tell you what naive is. Naive is someone who thinks he can stand there and talk to me like that without getting a crutch up his butt!
- Frasier: Roz, I can see how he's manipulating you. I'm an expert in human behavior.
- Roz: Excuse me, I've heard your expert advice! The only mental disorder you've ever cured is insomnia!
- Frasier: Well, I'm surprised you had time to listen, what with being so busy with your ultra-demanding producer tasks! Answering phones and pushing buttons! My God, a cockatoo with a strong beak could do what you do!
- Roz: Then hire one, because I'm taking the job with Bulldog!