Frasier (TV Series)

Roz and the Schnoz (1998)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Paula Garrett : [Steve and Paula seem unaware of the size of their noses]  Did I hear you mention you're going to a dog show?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event tonight.

  Paula Garrett : You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago. We just love dogs! We have two giant Schnauzers.

  [Niles quivers in place, fighting hysterics. Daphne is also fighting hysterics. Niles takes a seat on the couch with a goofy smile on his face, much to the chagrin of Roz and Frasier] 

• Dr. Niles Crane : I need you to come to a dog show with me.

  Frasier : I would rather give you a lung!

  [to passing waitress] 

  Frasier : Latte, please.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Frasier, I beg you. It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow night and I can't go alone, Maris will be there.

  Frasier : And in what class will Maris be showing?

  Dr. Niles Crane : She'll be showing no class!

  [they laugh] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : As she has ever since she hooked up with that reptile, Dr. Schenkman.

• Dr. Niles Crane : I've never missed the kennel club show. If I don't go this year, people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman intimidate me! I want to prove that I'm strong and independent, and I can't do that alone.

• Martin : [Continuing his story as Roz and the Garretts come back inside]  Well, the whole weekend was like that! Just one surprising event-

  [Martin turns around and screams at the sight of the Garretts' large noses. Niles and Daphne once again have to suppress their giggles as Roz looks on nervously] 

  Steve Garrett : I-I'm sorry, did we startle you?

  Martin : [regaining his composure]  Oh, no, no, I-I didn't know we had company.

  Frasier : Dad, Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett. They're Rick's parents, you remember Rick?

  Martin : [shaking hands]  Oh sure, yeah! Hi, how are ya? Nice to meet you, Marty Crane.

  Roz : [after an awkward silence]  Oh, they're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick.

  Martin : Oh, yeah? That sounds like fun.

  Paula Garrett : Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. I hear the Parisians can be kinda snooty.

  [This time, Martin turns away as he tries to fight his own fit of hysteria with Niles and Daphne] 

  Daphne : [Fighting to keep her composure]  Excuse me, I've got something in the oven.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Let me help you.

  Martin : Yeah, uh, me too!

  [as they make their way into the kitchen, Niles, Daphne and Martin collapse with stifled, hysterical laughter] 

• Dr. Niles Crane : [Frasier reluctantly agrees to go to a dog show with him]  Thank you, thank you, I knew I could count on you for this, Frasier. It's nice to know that some things never change.

  Roz : [a flustered Roz enters the cafe, carrying two suitcases]  Do you guys know where I can get a cheap hotel room in a hurry?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Case in point! Goodbye, Roz.