Frasier (TV Series)

Moon Dance (1996)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Martin : You think I don't see the way you look at Daphne?

  Niles : What are you implying?

  Martin : You know damn well what I'm implying. Take my word for it - you're sticking a fork in a toaster.

  Niles : Well, my muffin's stuck!

• Martin : You know, it wouldn't hurt you to go out a little bit every once in a while too.

  Niles : If you're suggesting that I start dating, you can save your breath. Women don't exactly find me irresistible.

  Martin : Oh, come on, Niles. You've had lots of girlfriends.

  Niles : Oh, let's count. There's Maris.

  [Long pause] 

  Niles : Oh, Dora, my childhood pen pal from Costa Rica.

  [Another pause] 

  Niles : I seem to recall a little girl in the fourth grade who lured me to a stairwell to show me her underpants.

• Niles : Oh, I just stopped by to ask you a question. Are you free Saturday night?

  Martin : Sure!

  Niles : [gleefully]  Well, I'm not! I have a date!

• Niles : [practicing the box step with Daphne]  This is boring, yet difficult.

  Martin : Aw, there's no trick to dancing. It's just a matter of coordination. Hell, if you can ride a bike, or skip rope, or kick a ball, you can certainly...

  [He pauses, looks at Niles, gets up, and leaves] 

• Martin : When I was separated from your mother, there was this pretty coroner in the city morgue. I always had a bit of a crush on her. So whenever we'd find a dead body, I'd yell out, "OK boys, I'll take it from here!" So one night, I invited her down to the corner bar.

  Niles : Coroners have their own bars?

• Niles : This morning I spoke to Marta, my ex-maid and current mole. She reports that Broadwater is just the latest in a parade of escorts. The gigolos are swarming around Maris like ants on a Snickers bar!

  Martin : Well, wait a minute, that's good news. If she's seeing a whole bunch of people, that means she's not serious about anyone.

  Niles : You think?

  Martin : Yeah, sure! They're probably just her escorts. You know how she loves going to parties.

  Niles : Yes. And she never liked going anywhere alone. Except to bed.

• Daphne : Snow Ball? Sounds very glamourous.

  Martin : I didn't know you could dance!

  Niles : Oh, I can't.

  [Realizes] 

  Niles : Oh, dear. You don't think she'll want me to? I've taken Maris to dozens of these things, she's never once asked to dance. Of course, Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm.