Frasier (TV Series)

Miracle on Third or Fourth Street (1993)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : [his father is hanging up a fake wreath]  Dad, what are you doing with that?

  Martin : I'm going to hang it on the door like I always do.

  Frasier : But Dad... it's plastic!

  Martin : Of course it's plastic! Do you think a real one would have lasted since 1967?

• Bill : How's that turkey platter? As good as last year's?

  Frasier : I'm not sure this isn't last year's!

• Niles : Hello, Frasier

  Frasier : Oh, hello Niles. Merry Christmas. To what do I owe this occasion?

  Niles : Oh, nothing. Just stopped by to get an opinion on a gift I was considering for Maris.

  [Daphne enters from her room, wearing a tight, black cocktail dress] 

  Daphne : [to Niles]  Well, it pinches a bit under the arms, but you be the judge.

  [does a little twirl; then to Frasier] 

  Daphne : Oh, hello, Dr. Crane.

  Frasier : [glaring at Niles]  Daphne.

  Daphne : [to Niles]  Shall I put the little red one back on so you can make your choice?

  Frasier : I think Niles has all the information he needs, thank you.

  Daphne : Fair enought

  [Daphne goes back to her room. Frasier glares at Niles] 

  Niles : You know, Maris and Daphne are roughly the same size.

  Frasier : Give or take a foot.

• Frasier : Roz, would you mind telling me why everyone breaks into hysterics whenever I say that I'm driving Bonnie Weems home?

  Roz Doyle : Ha ha ha ha ha ha

  Frasier : Oh, what is that?

  Roz Doyle : Well, Bonnie Weems is kind of an office legend. She gets a couple of drinks under her belt and she gets a little amorous and she will not take no for an answer.

• [Martin and Frasier are arguing over the Christmas decorations. Frasier wants to decorate the Christmas tree using lights shaped like chili peppers] 

  Martin : Oh, I give up. Go ahead, decorate the thing. Use your chili peppers!

  Frasier : All right, I won't anymore!

  Martin : Use 'em! Why don't... maybe we could hang a few radishes, put a nice broccoli on top!

• Frasier : How much more appetizing food always becomes when you add the word "log"!

• Daphne : [Niles is making Daphne try on dresses]  Shall I put the red one back on so you can make a choice?

  Frasier : No, I think Niles has all the information he needs.

  Niles : [guilty]  You know, Maris and Daphne are roughly the same size.

  Frasier : Give or take a foot.

• [after filling in for Bulldog on Christmas Day] 

  Frasier : Well, we're just about out of time. My, my, this day has flown by. I'd like to wish all of you revelers out there a Merry Christmas, and for the rest of you, why don't you go out and treat yourself to something special? Personally, I'm going to go get myself a meal at one of Seattle's fine eateries. I don't know where, but I promise you one thing: it'll have a liquor license.

  [pause] 

  Frasier : Just kidding. Don't drink and drive. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780, Talk Radio.

• Bonnie Weems : I'm Bonnie Weems.

  Frasier : Well hello. Its a pleasure to meet you. I'll be driving you home tonight.

  Bonnie Weems : I'm sorry to put you out.

  Frasier : Oh, its no problem at all. I'll tell you what, you just go enjoy the party. You let me know when you're ready to go.

  Bonnie Weems : [Bonnie downs her drink and slams the empty cup on the desk]  I'm ready now, Baby.

  [picks Frasier up and carries him out]