- Bulldog: [Frasier is trying to snap Bulldog out of it] Doc, Doc, you're hurting my head here. Can you stop being a shrink and just be like a guy?
- Frasier: [to himself] Like a guy. Like a guy.
- [pauses]
- Frasier: SCREW HER!
- Bulldog: What?
- Frasier: [angrily] Yeah, you don't need her. She's trash!
- Bulldog: Yeah, that's right.
- Frasier: You're better off without her; We both are!
- Bulldog: I like the sound of this.
- Frasier: Yeah, so do I! Unattractive, yet liberating, rather like the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit.
- [realizing he's going off-track]
- Frasier: I'm sorry. SHE'S A BITCH!
- Bulldog: Hey, she wasn't even that hot!
- Frasier: You're right. All she did was save you the trouble of having to dump her!
- Bulldog: [cheering up] I never thought about that.
- Frasier: There you go!
- Bulldog: I'm feeling a little better, Doc!
- Frasier: That's right!
- Bulldog: Thanks. It's great talking to you!
- [holds out his hand]
- Frasier: [shaking his hand] Likewise. You know, I could talk like this for another thirty seconds.
- Frasier: [walking back in the booth with Bulldog] She was nothing! She was less than nothing! Tomorrow you're gonna find someone even hotter and you know what you're gonna do?
- Bulldog: What?
- Frasier: You're gonna have your fun with her and then you're gonna dump her just for the hell of it!
- Bulldog: Yeah, dump her!
- Frasier: And you know what? You're not gonna feel bad about it at all. You know why? Because we're GUYS and THAT'S WHAT GUYS DO!
- [walks out of booth]
- Niles: [in corridor] Distressing news, Frasier. Francois gave away our table.
- Frasier: SCREW HIM!
- Niles: [shocked] Excuse me?
- Frasier: You heard what I said! We don't need him or his stinky little restaurant! There are plenty of restaurants in town. I say we go somewhere we don't even need a reservation!
- [Niles slaps him, snapping him out of his Bulldog mode]
- Frasier: Thank you.
- Niles: I had an abysmal day. Remember the ad I placed?
- Frasier: Oh yes, "Niles Crane, Jung specialist" blah blah blah.
- Niles: Well, they made a tiny little typo. See if you can find it.
- Frasier: [reads ad] "Niles Crane... Hung specialist." Oh, my!
- Niles: The rest they got perfectly. "Servicing individuals, couples... groups... Satisfaction guaranteed... Tell me where it hurts."
- Frasier: Yes, well... any calls?
- Niles: It's a telethon, Frasier.
- Frasier: Okay sports enthusiasts. This is Dr. Frasier Crane filling in for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe.
- [bangs a cymbal]
- Frasier: You're on the air.
- Mike: This is Mike. I wanted to talk to Bulldog but you'll do. So what's your take on the damn Yankees this season?
- Frasier: Are you speaking of the frothy musical adaptation, or the baseball team of which I know nothing?
- Mike: What a weenie!
- [hangs up]
- Frasier: Doesn't that take me back?
- Niles: You poor man. Help is at hand!
- Bulldog: [from inside bathroom stall] No. No shrinks. I hate shrinks. You're all a bunch of wimps... weirdos.
- [comes out the stall and collapses in tears on Niles' shoulder]
- Bulldog: Help me!
- Niles: There, there. I'm here for you.
- [pushes Bulldog away]
- Niles: And you're over there for me.
- Daphne Moon: Well, look at you all dressed up.
- Frasier: Yes, it's a new suit. Yes, I'm meeting a woman. And yes, it has been a while.
- Daphne Moon: Thanks, that reminds me. I have to order my cards.
- Roz: She plays chess, she loves your show, and I know this sort of thing doesn't matter to people like you, but I've seen her in the shower at the gym and...
- Frasier: Oh please.
- [walks out]
- Roz: she has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley.
- Frasier: [pokes his head back in] A chess player, did you say?
- Roz: Her name is Sharon. She's five-seven...
- Frasier: Oh Roz, I'm not interested.
- Roz: But she's an incredible person. She's smart, she's funny, she's a former pro-golfer. She just hasn't met the right guy.
- Frasier: A woman golfer. Are we quite certain there is a right guy?
- Roz: She dates men.
- Frasier: Not this one.
- Martin Crane: New suit, huh? Who's the lucky girl?
- Frasier: Well, if you must know I'm meeting a friend of Roz's today after work, but it's no big deal.
- Martin Crane: Well, congratulations. What's it been? A year?
- Frasier: It has not been that long!
- Martin Crane: I remember the tree was still up.
- Bulldog: [on the phone] I'll never forget you either, Sandy... Linda? Really? I thought I was talking to your sister. Oh well, tell her same goes.
- [hangs up]
- Frasier: [Frasier is filling in on Bulldog's show] You see, while I'm on the air, please feel free to call up about anything other than sports. Please.
- [takes a call]
- Frasier: Hello, you're on the air.
- Jake: [v.o] Yeah. You think it was a good idea for the Sonics to give up those draft choices so they could free up some money under the cap, you know, to go after a wide body to help them in the paint?
- Frasier: [staring straight ahead, completely and utterly lost] Yes!
- [takes another call]
- Frasier: You're on the air.
- Martin Crane: What happened to the store?
- Wino: It moved.
- Daphne Moon: Do you know where?
- Wino: Yeah but it's gonna cost you.
- Martin Crane: [reaching into his pocket for money] How much do you want?
- Wino: I don't want money! I want a kiss!
- Daphne Moon: [disguisted] What?
- Martin Crane: You heard him!
- Daphne Moon: [disguisted again] Mr. Crane!
- Martin Crane: You heard him! You owe me! It's only a kiss!
- Wino: Not her!
- [smiles at Martin who runs and hides behind Daphne in disguist]
- Frasier: [looking at the microwave that is filling with smoke due to Daphne putting Martin's shoes in there to dry up] Daphne, are you finished here with the microwave?
- Daphne Moon: [freaked out] Oh no!
- [she goes tot he microwave and takes out Martin's shoes, which have been burnt to a crisp and she blows on them. Martin comes in and looks utterly shocked]
- Martin Crane: My muckabees!
- Daphne Moon: Well, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to leave them in there so long!
- Frasier: Yes, well, English cooking strikes again.
- [He leaves the kitchen]
- Frasier: [to Niles] You know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first seating at Cigar Volante.
- Bulldog: [to Sharon] Whoa! Hello, gorgeous.
- Frasier: Hello, Bulldog.
- Bulldog: Not you. Hey, aren't you gonna introduce me?
- Frasier: Well, actually I wasn't, no!
- Bulldog: [introducing himself] Bob Briscoe.
- Sharon: [shaking hands] Sharon Payton.
- Frasier: Yes, good to see you, Bulldog.
- [trying to push him away]
- Frasier: Don't be a stranger.
- Bulldog: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Sharon Payton--I know you. LPGA. You won the Denver Open in 1992.
- Frasier: 1992? You know, that's a fabulous year for a particular Chambertin I took a shine too...
- Sharon: I know you, too. You're that guy that says golf is not a sport.
- Bulldog: Well, it's not.
- Sharon: Really?
- Bulldog: Yeah. No cheerleaders, no blood and the only cups involved are in the ground!
- Frasier: You know, this reminds me of a debate I had with my brother Niles about whether or not Steven Sondheim is really light opera...
- Roz: Oh my God. It's in love!
- Bulldog: Last night for the first time in my life I actually said those three little words: "stay for breakfast."
- Frasier: You had sex with Sharon?
- Bulldog: Doc, please! We "made love." You know what? I gotta call her.
- [picks up the phone]
- Bulldog: No, wait. No, I gotta play hard to get.
- [slams phone down]
- Bulldog: But I miss the sound of her voice. I'm calling her.
- [picks up phone]
- Bulldog: No, wait. It's too needy. Chicks hate that.
- [puts phone down]
- Bulldog: I shouldn't call her. But I want to!
- [picks up phone before putting it down again]
- Bulldog: Doc, what should I do?
- Frasier: [bewildered] Don't ask me, I don't even know who you are!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Bulldog! Roz set this up that I might meet Sharon. Until you got here things were going in a very positive direction.
- Bulldog Briscoe: Yeah, well, things seem to have changed, haven't they? What do you eggheads call that? Irony?
- Roz: Okay, here goes. I have this friend and I think you two would really hit it off.
- Frasier: And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink, which might lead to dinner, and then after that who knows where?
- Roz: Yes, exactly.
- Frasier: [suddenly gets concerned] Ooh, oh Roz. Do you hear that?
- Roz: What?
- Frasier: If you listen very carefully, you can actually hear my skin crawling!
- Frasier: Well, I think you should be happy that one of your patients feels healthy enough to terminate his therapy.
- Niles: I would, but it's happened so often lately I find myself in financial straits. Deep financial straits. Look at this belt:
- [opens up his jacket before whispering]
- Niles: Spanish leather!
- Frasier: Yes, well if Mr. Blackwell comes in I'll create a diversion, you can make a dash for it.