Quotes
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Daphne : [Daphne, in discomfort from a product she used on her eyes, interrupts Frasier a conversation between Frasier and Eve, a woman he is trying to woo] Look, I don't mean to ruin your evening, but I can't stay at the party like this. Look at my eyes.
Frasier : [Niles, dressed as Cyrano de Bergerac, approaches, drunk and under the mistaken impression that Daphne is pregnant and Frasier is the father] Well, I am dreadfully sorry for your condition, Daphne, but it's your own fault. You should have read the directions on the package before you used it.
[Niles is in disbelief]
Daphne : I don't know why you're blaming this whole mess on me. I just know I need a lift home right now.
Frasier : Oh, all right, but I'm not leaving here until I get Eve's phone number, so you can just sit down, have a drink, smoke a cigarette if you like, for God's sake.
[Niles is appalled]
Frasier : I'm sorry. I'm very attracted to this young woman and I'm not going to let you or your little problem stand in my way.
Niles : [fed up] That's enough!
Frasier : Niles, get your big nose out of this. Lower your voice, you're embarrassing yourself.
Niles : The only thing I'm embarrassed about is that you're my brother, you cad, you bounder, you r-r-r-roue!
Frasier : Well, what is so wrong about trying to get a woman's phone number?
Niles : We're not interested in your next conquest, we're talking about your last one; and before you deny it, I have plenty of proof.
Frasier : From here, it smells like eighty proof!
Niles : A woman stands here before you in dire need.
Daphne : It's really not that bad. I can find someone else who'll take me.
Niles : [takes hold of her arm] Indeed you can.
Martin : Niles...
Niles : [to Martin] I told you, don't try to stop me!
[to Frasier]
Niles : You have the audacity to seduce this poor woman, then you aren't man enough to stand by her?
Frasier : Niles, before you make a complete ass out of yourself...
Niles : Stop, or I'll teach you a long overdue lesson in chivalry!
[draws sword, but the blade breaks off and remains sheathed]
Daphne : But Dr. Crane, you...
Niles : No, no, don't defend him. There may be one bastard in this family, but as long as I have anything to say about it, your baby won't be another.
[gets down on one knee; takes her hand]
Niles : Daphne, will you marry me?
Frasier : Oh, for God's sake, you drunken imbecile! Daphne's not the one who's pregnant! Roz is!
Niles : Roz is?
Eve : Who's Roz?
Bulldog : She's the one dressed like "O."
Everyone : Oh...
Daphne : [to Niles] That was very gallant, Dr. Crane. Perhaps you should propose to Roz.
Martin : If anybody's gonna propose to Roz, it's Frasier!
Frasier : What?
Martin : How could you do that? Get her pregnant?
Gil Chesterton : It was Frasier?
Frasier : No! Listen, everybody, I am not the father of Roz's baby! In fact, we don't even know for sure if there IS a baby!
[Roz appears at the top of the stairs]
Roz : We do now.
