- Dr. Frasier Crane: Roz, just because last time you went to Mexico you were hit on more than a piñata, doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well.
- Roz Doyle: Oh yeah right, you wanted to hear the Acapulco Philharmonic.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I am dating a supermodel zoologist, who I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Is that so hard to believe?
- Martin Crane: Its no crime to go down to Acapulco and come back empty-handed.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I did not come back empty-handed, I came back with two huge handfuls.
- Kelly Easterbrook: I have known a lot of reptiles and looked under a lot of rocks in my life, but I have never seen anything slither out quite as slimy and repulsive as you.
- Waiter: My wife had trouble conceiving, too. It turned out to be me.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, mystery solved. Off you go.
- Martin Crane: Well, you heard the same message I did. He wanted to do something spur of the moment, so he jumped on a plane.
- Dr. Niles Crane: That's not exactly like him, to board a plane without reservations, luggage... slumber mask.
- Daphne Moon: I think you two are just being awful, I've never known Dr. Crane to tell a lie.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Actually, this is not without precedent. When he was ten, he forged letters from Leonard Bernstein and told everyone they were pen pals.
- Martin Crane: Oh, yeah.
- Dr. Niles Crane: He'd come bounding up the stairs, "Got another one from Lenny"! We were all agog until Mr. Bernstein wrote that his Broadway debut was "Candide" when everyone knows that it was "On The Town." That's when we knew it was a fake.
- Martin Crane: The sloppy kid lettering was also a clue!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Ah, is there anything more refreshing after a long flight than a long soak in eucalyptus sauce and a snifter of warmed Poir William!
- Dr. Niles Crane: As you may recall, Dad, he was relieved that once and for all he could give up the charade.
- Martin Crane: Char-ade.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Charade.