Frasier (TV Series)

Father of the Bride (1999)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• [Frasier breaks the news to Niles about his new girlfriend] 

  Frasier : She's a prostitute.

  Niles : Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town should be careful what terms he bandies about.

  Frasier : Niles, "Executive Match" is an escort service! One of Donny's clients was caught using them.

  Niles : I don't believe you.

  Frasier : Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she fascinated by everything about you, even your collections?

  Niles : Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth-century Portuguese bud vases.

  Frasier : And how did she react?

  Niles : Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and... Oh my God, I'm dating a whore!

• Niles : If all goes well, in two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.

• Niles : I am taking it slow with Sabrina.

  Frasier : You mean you haven't...?

  Niles : ...haven't?

  Frasier : Haven't...?

  Niles : Oh, please! Are you mad, you don't proposition a woman like that on the first date. Last night, I dropped her home after dinner with nothing more than a courtly kiss on the wrist. Tonight MAY proceed to hand holding. If all goes well, in two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.

• Niles : Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway?

  Frasier : I told you, Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down.

• Niles : [Niles describes the date he was on]  She was...

  [takes a cat hair from his jacket and puts it on the floor] 

  Niles : ... a cat person. She brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason, it was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually his birthday party. Actually, his surprise birthday party.

  Frasier : I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman?

  Niles : At Nordstroms. We both reached for the same cashmere throw and she said she needed something to keep her Waggles warm. I thought it was a coy euphemism.