- Niles: I'll, I'd like a, a petit filet mignon, very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavour, but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate. And I don't want it cooked - just lightly seared on either side, pink in the middle; not a true pink, but not a mauve either, something in between, bearing in mind the slightest error either way, and it's ruined.
- Niles: Say, funny thing happened the other day, uh. One of my patients had a rather amusing Freudian Slip. Uh, he was having dinner with his wife and he meant to say, "Pass the salt," but instead he said, "You've ruined my life you blood-sucking shrew."
- Frasier: Daphne, this is my brother Niles.
- [Frasier leaves to get a photo for Niles]
- Niles: [turning to face Daphne] Hmm... You're Daphne?
- Daphne: Why, yes I am!
- Niles: Well, I...
- [Niles walks over to her and shakes her hand]
- Niles: When Frasier told me he'd hired an Englishwoman, I pictured someone a little more... not quite so... you're Daphne?
- Daphne: It's nice to meet you.
- [Daphne takes her hand away and goes back to sorting the laundry; Meanwhile,Frasier returns with the photo for Niles]
- Niles: Well, what a lovely accent. Is that, er, Manchester?
- Daphne: Yes. How'd you know?
- Niles: Oh, I'm quite the anglophile; I'm sure Frasier and dad have already told you.
- Daphne: No, they didn't mention it.
- Niles: Ah... you undoubtedly guessed as much when they said I'd spent a year studying at Cambridge.
- Daphne: No, they didn't mention that, either.
- Niles: I guess my father and brother don't spend a lot of time talking about me when I'm not around!
- Daphne: Oh, I wouldn't say that.
- Daphne: Well, I'm off to my poker game.
- [to Niles]
- Daphne: It was nice seeing you again, Dr. Crane...
- [They shake hands but Daphne holds on for a moment]
- Daphne: Oh, wait a minute! I'm getting something on you...
- [Niles looks at Frasier, confused]
- Frasier: [explaining] She's psychic. We've decided to find it charming.
- [Niles looks back at Daphne]
- Daphne: You have occasional bouts of colitis, don't you?
- Niles: Yes!
- [Satisfied, Daphne lets go of his hand and goes to the door as Niles watches her, almost in awe]
- Niles: Frasier... she's phenomenal!
- Daphne: [at the door] It's a gift. Well, cheerio!
- Niles: Ta-ta!
- [Daphne exits]
- Frasier: Niles, you've never had colitis a day in your life!
- Niles: I know, but I couldn't bear to disappoint her...
- Niles: Oh, for goodness sake, Frasier! I'm a happily married man! Maris means the world to me. Why, just the other day I kissed her for no reason whatsoever.
- Niles: In the middle of dressing for the evening, she suddenly slumped down on the edge of the bed in her half-slip and sighed. Of course, I knew then and there that dinner was not to be.
- Frasier: Daphne, what are you doing?
- Daphne: [Shaking a pair of Frasier's boxer shorts] Fluffing your knickers.
- Frasier: Look, I appreciate everything you are doing, Daphne, but a man's knickers are certainly...
- [snatches them from Daphne and rubs them against his cheek]
- Frasier: Oh! Oh! How do you get them so soft?
- Daphne: Fabric softener and twice through the fluff cycle!
- [Hands them back to Daphne]
- Frasier: Oh, well, keep up the good work!
- Niles: [about his father] Outside of our last name and abnormally well-developed calf muscles, we have nothing in common with the man.