- Harlow Stafford: All aboard! All aboard! Get your tickets ready. Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: That was the most riveting production of Wagner I have seen this season.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I still have goose bumps from when Klingsor summoned Kundry with a terrible cry and ordered her to seduce Parsifal: "Ha! Er Ist Shun Der Knabe!"
- Martin Crane: Well, I had a pretty good night too. Took myself a nice, hot bath.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, you made a hasty judgment and I am sorry, but you were wrong.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Ah, now we see why you got involved in the case - so big brother could be right and little Niles could be wrong, which I'm not!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, your pathetic childhood issues have nothing to do with it.
- [childishly]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Face it, you were wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!
- Dr. Niles Crane: [childishly] Oh, oh, oh-!
- Martin Crane: Why are you walking funny?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, suffice it to say, today I learned it is unwise to slide repeatedly down a fire pole wearing woollen trousers.
- Martin Crane: Oh, his son is worried he's not gonna get his hands on his father's fortune. Boy, the minute a man starts getting up there, his kids start making plans to divvy up his stuff.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, you'll be pleased to know that Niles and I have decided to give all your things to charity. We're donating your clothes to the blind.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: How could I have so misjudged that man?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, he's undeniably charming for one thing and he can be lucid for long stretches of time.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, but you weren't fooled. Somehow, you picked up on some tiny clue that I missed. You remember what it was?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes. Midway through our interview he took off his trousers and tried to put them on the cat.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'd like to think that I might have picked up on that one too.