What was going on in the 90s that they thought making fun of Greek people (???) was the height of comedy? Did "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" totally break comedy writers' brains and make them think "Aha! It's Greek people acting like idiots that the people want!"
What a terrible excuse for an episode of "Frasier." In the very first scene we get unbelievable dialogue which clunking explains the plot device at work here: Nikos has decided to reach out to his Favorite Uncle Frasier just DAYS before the wedding (He never reached out before? Not even just to say hi? A phone call?) and they rehash the details of a grudge which both of them clearly know. Clunky exposition.
Then in the second scene, Martin is totally incoherent. He believes that Zora is a "vindictive woman" who will "keep punishing us because of you," but simultaneously believes that Frasier was wrong-which is it? Was Frasier an idiot? Was Zora vindictive? Why does he care so much that "Zora doesn't want us there?" Not to mention the goofy Yvonne story getting set up, as if we needed it.
Then we get this ridiculous scene in the restaurant featuring, for the first time, Zora. What a piece of garbage this character is. "Don't make me hurt you again!" she shouts to "Dimitri" as she listlessly beats a steak with a mallet, doing no flattening and simply trying to appear coarse. She looks younger than Frasier and her accent is fake and vaguely offensive. But I'm not PC--let's evaluate her on the merits. She is terrible. Loud in a way that's just not funny, a disgusting troll literally marching around the kitchen like she is some kind of monarch and smacking people in the face. She stuffs him with food after he bribes her into being forgiving -- what a waste! If we have a coarse aunt character, why do we let her get bought so easily?
Finally, the wedding. First, there are no confessionals in Greek Orthodoxy. Second, Yvonne is an obnoxious caricature of a character that's already meant to be an obnoxious caricature. Third, "None of that sissy French wine, it's a real GREEK Champagne!" says Zora-do we here imply Greek wine is stronger than French wine? Is this an esoteric reference to the Greeks drinking unmixed wine, unlike their Latinized cousins in Gaul? Nope! It's just an excuse for Frasier to make a silly face when he drinks some, because Greeks are disgusting subhuman monsters and that's funny! We get a "Daphne is a hooker" joke which is even more charming because uncouth ethnic lady delivers it in her phony Russo-Constantinopolitan accent (an aside: Zora's horrible accent is perfect for any Russian who wishes to prove that Moscow is the Third Rome, as the total lack of distinction between her alleged Greek and the dialect of any neighborhood Babushka will prove that the Slavs are the true inheritors of the classical world.)
We meet Mary-Ann Tolbanek, who delivers a lovely "Daddy issues" performance. "They've got it coming after all that debutante nonsense they put me through"-- they should've had it coming after wasting all those years on acting school! Her parents are described as "sulking over there" and there they are, literally sulking like cartoon characters! Aunt Zora returns to be the ugliest and most offensive character ever known to man, snarling at Frasier like the low, subhuman animal the directors and writers want us to see her as. She talks like a crazy person and explains to Frasier that she'll kill him if he advises Nikos at all. So she's aware of this sham marriage? Why is she going through with it? Surely not the money, since she's an uncouth mongrel who could be content with an afternoon of toe-picking! She then explains to Frasier that her son was dating a juggler, by which she was embarrassed: why? It's one thing to have your son be one, but once he is... why does it matter that he's dating trash? Let us also not forget that "restaurant worker" is not exactly a high-class job. She then carefully examines some plates before throwing them on the ground, because Greeks are complete morons who do insane things at parties! Isn't that funny? The barbarian princess broke something, at random, shouted in her shrill non-accent, and then ran away.
Martin returns to find his brother, and in the only funny moment of the whole thing, they have nothing to talk about. Frasier ruins it by acknowledging it, so it's only one star.
Now Niles is hiding like a cartoon character behind the exact two bottles of wine that Frasier examines. Why is he examining this disgusting Greek wine? Why two at once? Is it because he knows that it'll be funny if Niles' bulging eyes are perfectly framed in the gap left? Probably! And guess what? It's not funny, because it's like Tom-and-Jerry type comedy in a show that's supposed to be vaguely believable and, dare I say, smart (my fellow reviewers seem to not understand this point and are instead content to laugh at the fact that Danai bestiae sunt.)
Finally it seems like this stupid pile of garbage is almost over. Martin says Zora was a strumpet, because of course she was! She's an animal! Then Eddie does his goofy thing with his camera. What fun. What garbage. Nikos explains that he broke up with Crystal because she wanted to go to Paris to juggle (what a bunch of garbage!), that the last time he talked to her they talked for hours, that it was the last time he felt truly happy, and finally that he is vomiting from wedding anxiety. Gee, I wonder if he should be connecting the dots here! A complete fool of a character like Nikos does not deserve to be happy. Frasier, meanwhile, must play therapist and pretend to have a crisis. Zora swoops in to deliver the worst "am I right?" line ever.
Marty and Daphne return to do VHS fun where we are meant to suspect Martin is sentimental, because his character has always been shown to be so.
Then comes the worst scene in the entire episode: the climax. Zora gathers everyone together in her insufferable accent, "gatharound, we're gunna heve sahm toasts heeeere!" She squeals like the carnival clown she is. Then it turns out Niles is hiding and cartoon-cousin is in the men's room looking for men. They even do a scooby-doo run-around-the-doors meme! Frasier called Crystal, because he won't meddle, but he also won't tell Crystal that it's imperative that she not say he's the reason she comes to the wedding. Zora implores Frasier to "comupere and makeatoasttotheheppycapule!" She clearly sees that he's meddling through indirect speech, but heckles him with charming one-liners like "baht morimportant-eh, makes-a-me-heppy, eh?" Frasier delivers a garbage pop-psych toast which in no way could be construed as in favor of the couple, making the whole "I'm not meddling" shtick feel thin and forced. Then we get Zora's worst line in the whole show, the one that truly makes her a clown: "MysonNikosand IIII, we've-a-had our Ahps and Dooooowns...," delivered in a ridiculous sing-song intonation like she's trying to teach someone what "pitch deafness" is. Then comes the biggest clown in the circus: a she-clown! It's Crystal! She's got an indescribable accent too, not to mention a thirteenth-century haircut and big goofy spots of blush on her cheeks and an insane jester shirt... and of course, she can't tell him she loves him without juggling! Zora, plate-breaker, meat-beater, face-smasher, decides to simply impotently say "Nikos. What are you doing? Stop it?" and "Nikos, you are ruining everything-shoo! Shoo! Shoo!" Why does she now decide that she isn't going to get physical with her family? Is it perhaps because they had to CGI in those juggling pins? Or, if they're real, is she too scared of getting hurt? Either way, lame! Then Mary Ann's parents are there, delighted at their daughter's getting dumped, like cartoon characters! Wow! Isn't that funny, the fancy people hate the low-born! Zora finally decides to try to get Frasier to talk to Nikos, as if that makes it any funnier when Nikos reveals (despite very very obvious attempts to stop him) that Frasier is the one who reunited him with "the love of my life" (as if it were obvious to him that that's what she was, despite being oblivious to this fact moments ago). Nikos here seems to have no idea that it's not just inappropriate but damaging to thank Frasier-is he stupid? Why does he think everyone will say "Wow! Thanks for ruining the wedding, Frasier!" as if they would all completely understand the nature of his relationship with Mary Ann and with Crystal?
Zora ends it by chasing Frasier out of the restaurant with a broken bottle, because that's funny!
Ultimately, the devil is in the details, and boy, is he in these. The title, "Beware of Greeks" is a reference to the saying "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts"--nowhere in this episode do we see Greeks bearing gifts. What a goofy title! Also, Zoe's says Walt "will be here any minute"-- it's his son's wedding, he should be there right freaking now! We see in the credits scene Niles being groped on by the cousin on camera. Is this before Martin got the tape? We then see the camera turn around when Niles gets it -- why? Why is he flipping it around? To film his goofy escape to the kitchen? And why does he think he can escape; Yvonne and Eddie are watching him escape!
In the end, this is a terrible episode not worth our time or effort.
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