- Daphne Moon: How much longer do we have stay?
- Martin Crane: What are you in such a snit about?
- Daphne Moon: This lot. Thanks to your sister-in-law, they're all sniggering about me being your "physical therapist."
- Martin Crane: Oh, don't let it bother you. She's always been a pain.
- Daphne Moon: You're telling me. Dried-up old grape leaf!
- Martin Crane: Yeah, and she's one to talk about reputations, too. Between you and me, before she married my brother, she was easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich.
- Nikos: Once again, he stopped me from making a terrible mistake. So everyone, please lift your glasses to my cousin, Frasier Crane!
- Aunt Zora Crane: Oh, I can do better than a glass!
- [she grabs a bottle by the neck and smashes the end off]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No! Aunt Zora, no! OUT OF MY WAY!
- Dr. Niles Crane: It's a moot point. We're not invited, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice.
- Martin Crane: Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother and not see him for five years?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, but I'd like to give it a try.
- Aunt Zora Crane: Just once it would be nice if we could have a family gathering where no one leaves in an ambulance. Am I right?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: So your heart should be brimming with motherly emotion!
- Aunt Zora Crane: When I find out who bent this skewer, I'm ramming it right in his eye!
- [at the rehearsal dinner]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, Mr. Blessed-Are-The-Peacemakers!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Will you stop complaining? The rehearsal went beautifully. Cousin Yvonne didn't get near you.
- Dr. Niles Crane: How could she? I spent half the time hiding in the confessional! By the way, Mrs. Pappas is having an affair.
- [after Martin and Daphne have dissed Zora and Walt, Ed reveals that he hid his video camera nearby, pointing at them]
- Ed: I wanted to capture the whole family, naturally, just as they are.
- Martin Crane: Well... we were really boring! I mean, why don't you just rewind that a few minutes and then start over?
- Ed: Funny, Mrs. Pappas said the same thing.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [of their Aunt Zora] She can't avoid me if I go down and meet her face-to-face. I'm going to go to that restaurant.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Do you have a death wish? She'll eat you alive!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, I'm not afraid of her!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Everyone is! Have you forgotten the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece she joined the partisans just so she could strangle Nazis?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I have never believed that. She would have to have been five years old at the time!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, that's why the legend says they were strangled with jump ropes.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Niles is hiding behind a shelf of wines bottles] Niles! Do you realize how pathetic this is?
- Dr. Niles Crane: I don't care! At dinner, Zora announced that I had filed for divorce! Within seconds, Yvonne began purring so loudly my allergies kicked in!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Where have you been?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I've been on the phone. I've been trying to contact Nikos's ex-girlfriend.
- Dr. Niles Crane: The depths you'll sink to to get a date.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You're just afraid of seeing Cousin Yvonne, aren't you?
- Daphne Moon: Who's Cousin Yvonne?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, distant cousin who has a slight crush on Niles.
- Dr. Niles Crane: A slight crush? There are cannibals who are less man-hungry.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: How did you two meet?
- Nikos: A few months back, I performed at one of her parents' garden parties. They were really snooty to me. That seemed to spark something in her. She asked me for a date right in front of them. That's how she is. She likes to play with her parents' heads.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, well, so did Lizzy Borden.
- Aunt Zora Crane: Who is this pretty young thing?
- Martin Crane: Oh, this is Daphne Moon. She's my physical therapist.
- Aunt Zora Crane: Oh... that's what they call it these days?
- [slaps him playfully]
- Aunt Zora Crane: You dirty old man!
- [she moves off into the crowd, laughing, while Martin tries to calm Daphne]
- Daphne Moon: I've never been so insulted...!
- Aunt Zora Crane: You know, I am so glad you are coming to the wedding. There is nothing sadder than a divided family, am I right?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Quite right.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Absolutely, absolutely. When Frasier told me we weren't invited to the wedding, I was...
- Cousin Yvonne: There you are, Niles!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Just kill me now.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: This is Nikos, my father's brother's son.
- Roz Doyle: Well I would have never pegged you for a Crane.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, he's half Greek. He gets his looks from his mom.
- Roz Doyle: I bet he gets looks from lots of women.
- Aunt Zora Crane: [to Frasier] Why are they thanking you?
- Crystal the Juggler: We owe our happiness to him.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Why couldn't she have been a mime?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: For God's sake Niles, why don't you just hide in the men's room?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Where do you think Yvonne is right now?
- Martin Crane: I can't believe that because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings for stuffed grape leaves and zither music!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, it's my fault, and I'm going to put it right.
- [picks up the phone and dials]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm going to get in touch with Aunt Zora. Surely she'll listen to reason.
- [into phone]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Aunt Zora?
- [she hangs up]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, that's encouraging. She remembered my voice.
- Martin Crane: You and your damned advice!
- Daphne Moon: Mr. Crane, Dr. Rudnik asked me to monitor your blood pressure, and I'd like to get an accurate reading.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Stop pointing fingers. Why don't we try to solve this problem?
- Martin Crane: I don't see how! She's a vindictive woman, and she's gonna keep on punishing us because of you! If you kept your big trap shut for just once in your life, my nephew would probably be a surgeon now, and I'd be going to his wedding!
- Daphne Moon: There, now: 240 over 11. Sounds about right!