Frasier (TV Series)

Beware of Greeks (1998)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Dr. Niles Crane : It's a moot point. We're not invited, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice.

  Martin Crane : Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother and not see him for five years?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, but I'd like to give it a try.

• [at the rehearsal dinner] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, Mr. Blessed-Are-The-Peacemakers!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Will you stop complaining? The rehearsal went beautifully. Cousin Yvonne didn't get near you.

  Dr. Niles Crane : How could she? I spent half the time hiding in the confessional! By the way, Mrs. Pappas is having an affair.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [of their Aunt Zora]  She can't avoid me if I go down and meet her face-to-face. I'm going to go to that restaurant.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Do you have a death wish? She'll eat you alive!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I'm not afraid of her!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Everyone is! Have you forgotten the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece she joined the partisans just so she could strangle Nazis?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I have never believed that. She would have to have been five years old at the time!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, that's why the legend says they were strangled with jump ropes.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Niles is hiding behind a shelf of wines bottles]  Niles! Do you realize how pathetic this is?

  Dr. Niles Crane : I don't care! At dinner, Zora announced that I had filed for divorce! Within seconds, Yvonne began purring so loudly my allergies kicked in!

• Dr. Niles Crane : Where have you been?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I've been on the phone. I've been trying to contact Nikos's ex-girlfriend.

  Dr. Niles Crane : The depths you'll sink to to get a date.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : You're just afraid of seeing Cousin Yvonne, aren't you?

  Daphne Moon : Who's Cousin Yvonne?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, distant cousin who has a slight crush on Niles.

  Dr. Niles Crane : A slight crush? There are cannibals who are less man-hungry.

• Aunt Zora Crane : You know, I am so glad you are coming to the wedding. There is nothing sadder than a divided family, am I right?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Quite right.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Absolutely, absolutely. When Frasier told me we weren't invited to the wedding, I was...

  Cousin Yvonne : There you are, Niles!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Just kill me now.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : For God's sake Niles, why don't you just hide in the men's room?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Where do you think Yvonne is right now?