The Flintstones (TV Series)

Dial S for Suspicion (1962)

Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Quotes 

• Fred Flintstone : I, um, got some news for you, Barney. I may be getting another and better job.

  Barney Rubble : Oh, no fooling? Where?

  Fred Flintstone : I answered this ad in the paper.

  Barney Rubble : [reads the ad]  Let's see, uh, "Wanted. Man for high position at Stone Valley Inn. Must be executive type, college graduate, speak Spanish. Salary $450 per month plus meals." And you applied for this job, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : Uh-huh, and I should be getting an answer any day now. Sounds like some job, huh, Barn?

  Barney Rubble : It sure does, Fred, but, uh...

  Fred Flintstone : Uh what?

  Barney Rubble : Uh, you ain't a college graduate.

  Fred Flintstone : So who has to know? If they want to see my diploma, I'll tell them it was lost in a fire.

  Barney Rubble : Oh, sure, and if they want to hear you speak Spanish, you'll tell them your accent was lost in a fire, too.

• [Wilma is still reading her mystery book] 

  Fred Flintstone : You're really enjoying that book, huh, Wilma?

  Wilma Flintstone : Oh, yes. It's about a woman who tries to get rid of her husband for his insurance.

  Fred Flintstone : Yeah? How does she go about it?

  Wilma Flintstone : Oh, a number of ways. Right now, I'm up to the part where she puts a pillow over his head.

  Fred Flintstone : A-A p-p-pillow over his head? Look, honey, that's not the kind of stuff you should be reading. Why don't you turn out the light and go to sleep?

  Wilma Flintstone : No, I want to read awhile. You go to sleep, Fred.

  Fred Flintstone : I don't think I can sleep.

  Wilma Flintstone : Sure you can. I'll bet in two minutes you're dead to the world.

• Wilma Flintstone : You mean you actually thought I wanted to collect the insurance? Thanks a lot, Fred. That's the nicest compliment I've had today.

  Fred Flintstone : I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Wilma, but you gotta admit suspicious things happened and with you reading that book...

  Wilma Flintstone : Oh, Fred!

  Fred Flintstone : Well, what would you think if I started reading about Bluebeard and then accidents started happening to you?

• [Fred is selected to be the knife-throwing target] 

  Fred Flintstone : Help! Barney, do something!

  Barney Rubble : Don't worry, Fred. I will. If he sticks you with a knife, boy, will I boo him.

• Barney Rubble : I still think you're worrying over nothing, Fred. Uh, your move.

  Fred Flintstone : Nothing? My own wife slings a cleaver at me, tries to do me in with a pillow, and you call that nothing?

• [after Fred signs for the insurance policy] 

  Wilma Flintstone : Thanks, Fred. I certainly hope I never need it, but you never know. Insurance can be a wife's best friend.

  [Wilma leaves] 

  Barney Rubble : Hmm.

  Fred Flintstone : What's with the "Hmm"?

  Barney Rubble : Oh, I was just thinking about what Wilma said. "Insurance can be a wife's best friend."

  Fred Flintstone : So?

  Barney Rubble : So 40,000 bucks could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

  Fred Flintstone : Will you cut that out?