Firefly (TV Series)

War Stories (2002)

Alan Tudyk: Hoban 'Wash' Washburne

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Hoban 'Wash' Washburne : Mmmm. Wife soup. I must have done good.

  Zoë Washburne : Yes, dear. You done good.

  Mal : Ow.

  [sighs] 

  Mal : Did you tell her?

  Hoban 'Wash' Washburne : Tell her what?

  Mal : Your husband has demanded that we sleep together.

  Zoë Washburne : Really?

  Hoban 'Wash' Washburne : What? Mal, come on.

  Mal : He seems to think it would get all this burning sexual tension out in the open. You know, make a fair fight for your womanly affections.

  Hoban 'Wash' Washburne : No. That was the torture talking. Remember the torture?

  Mal : I know it's a difficult mission but you and I... have to get it on.

  Zoë Washburne : I understand. We have no choice.

  [deadpan] 

  Zoë Washburne : Take me, sir. Take me hard.

  Jayne Cobb : Now, something about that is just downright unsettling.

  [Clattering] 

  Hoban 'Wash' Washburne : We'll be in our bunk.

  Jayne Cobb : Oh, hey. Free soup.

• Wash : Hey, I've been in a firefight before.

  [off Mal's look] 

  Wash : Well, I was in a fire.

  [beat] 

  Wash : Actually, I was fired... from a fry-cook opportunity. I can handle myself.

• Mal : There's plenty orders a'mine that she didn't obey.

  Wash : Name one!

  Mal : She married you!

• Wash : So, I'm Zoë. Now, what do I do?

  Mal : Probably not talk quite so much.

  Wash : Right. Less talking. She's terse - I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic.

• Wash : I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor, and obey.

  Mal : Listen - She swore to obey?

  Wash : Well, no. Not... But that's just my point. You she obeys! She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose!

• Mal : And you understand what Zoe's job entails?

  Wash : I'll learn as I go.

  [Wash hauls an apparently heavy crate after landing at the drop location] 

  Wash : So, now, I'm learning about carrying.

  [Niska's men killed the buyers and hold Mal and Wash at gunpoint] 

  Wash : Now, I'm learning about scary!

• Wash : ...and then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure!

  Zoë : Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?

  Wash : You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.

• Wash : But these apples are healthsome and good.

  Jayne : Yeah, grenades cost extra.

• Zoë : [regarding Wash's idea for the medicine]  I thought your plan was risky! I thought!

  Wash : Then tell me! I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal cause you know he'll shoot it down for you!

  Zoë : Right, cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!

  Wash : No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it's kinda crowded.