Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

Waldorf Salad (1979)

Terence Conoley: Mr. Johnston

Photos 

Quotes 

• Basil Fawlty : [quietly]  This is typical. Absolutely typical... of the kind of...

  Basil Fawlty : [shouting]  ARSE I have to put up with from you people! You ponce in here expecting to be hand... waited on hand and foot, while I'm trying to run a hotel here! Have you any idea of how much there is to do? Do you ever think of that? Of course not! You're all too busy sticking your noses into every corner, poking about for things to complain about, aren't you? Well let me tell you something - this is exactly how Nazi Germany started! A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do than to cause trouble! Well, I've had fifteen years of pandering to the likes of you, and I've had enough! I've had it! Come on, pack your bags and get out!

  Mrs. Hamilton : They're packed.

  Mr. Hamilton : Order ten taxis, will ya? I'll pay for 'em!

  Basil Fawlty : Come on! Come on!

  hotel guests : What? What?

  Basil Fawlty : Out! Everybody out! Go on upstairs, pack your bags! Adios! Out!

  Mr. Johnston : But it's raining!

  Basil Fawlty : Well, you should've thought of that before, shouldn't you? Too late now! Come on, out! Rause! Rause! RAUSE!

• Mrs. Johnston : I think those prawns might be a bit off.

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, I don't think so.

  Mrs. Johnston : Well, they do taste rather funny.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, no one else has complained.

  Mrs. Johnston : Well, I really do think they're off.

  Basil Fawlty : But you've eaten half of them.

  Mrs. Johnston : Well, I didn't notice at the start.

  Basil Fawlty : You didn't notice at the start.

  Mrs. Johnston : No, really, it was the sauce. I wasn't sure.

  Basil Fawlty : So you ate half to MAKE sure?

  Mr. Johnston : My wife thinks they're off!

  Basil Fawlty : Well, what am I... Did you want another first course?

  Mrs. Johnston : No, thank you.

  Mr. Johnston : Well, you're sure.

  Mrs. Johnston : No, really. I'll just have the main.

  Mr. Johnston : Well, then, we'll cancel it.

  Basil Fawlty : Cancel it? Oh, deduct it form the bill, is that what you mean?

  Mr. Johnston : I said it was inedible.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, only half of it's inedible, apparently.

  Mr. Johnston : Well, deduct half now and if my wife brings the other half up during the night we'll claim the balance in the morning.

• [Basil has taken the lamb dishes out of the kitchen to greet Mrs. Hamilton at reception] 

  Mr. Johnston : [Re: Lamb dishes]  Finished with them, have you?

  Basil Fawlty : Absolutely. Bon Appétit

  [Basil makes rude farting sound] 

  Mr. Johnston : [to Mrs. Hamilton]  I recommend the SELF-service here. It's excellent.

  Basil Fawlty : That'll be all, thank you.

  Mr. Johnston : What?

  Basil Fawlty : Your lambs will be getting cold, Mr. Johnston.

  Mr. Johnston : Colder!

  Basil Fawlty : If you'd like them warmed up...

  Mr. Johnston : Forget it!

  Basil Fawlty : [after Mr. Johnston returns to the dining room]  ... you can get your wife to sit on 'em!

  Basil Fawlty : [to Mrs. Hamilton]  I'm so sorry for the RUBBISH we get in here.

• [Basil is distracted from giving two lamb dishes to Mr. and Mrs. Johnston] 

  Mr. Johnston : Are those ours?

  Basil Fawlty : [annoyed voice]  Not yet.

• [Basil is again distracted from giving two lamb dishes to the Johnstons] 

  Mr. Johnston : EXCUSE ME! There are two lambs here!

  Basil Fawlty : I'll have them removed if they're bothering you.

• Mr. Johnston : I'm not satisfied!

  Mrs. Johnston : No, we're not satisfied!

  Basil Fawlty : Well, people like you never are, are you?