"Fawlty Towers" The Hotel Inspectors (TV Episode 1975) Poster

(TV Series)

(1975)

John Cleese: Basil Fawlty

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John Cleese and Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and Peter Brett in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Bernard Cribbins, and Andrew Sachs in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, James Cossins, and Andrew Sachs in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and James Cossins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, James Cossins, and Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Bernard Cribbins, Andrew Sachs, and Prunella Scales in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Connie Booth, Bernard Cribbins, and Andrew Sachs in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, Bernard Cribbins, Gilly Flower, and Renee Roberts in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, James Cossins, Bernard Cribbins, Gilly Flower, and Renee Roberts in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, Bernard Cribbins, Gilly Flower, and Renee Roberts in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, and James Cossins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and James Cossins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, Connie Booth, Bernard Cribbins, and Gilly Flower in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Ballard Berkeley, and James Cossins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and Ballard Berkeley in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, James Cossins, Bernard Cribbins, and Andrew Sachs in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, James Cossins, Bernard Cribbins, and Prunella Scales in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese, Bernard Cribbins, and Prunella Scales in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and Prunella Scales in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese in Fawlty Towers (1975) John Cleese and Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers (1975) 9 more photos

Quotes 

  • Mr. Hutchinson : Now listen, there's a documentary on BBC2 this evening about "Squawking Bird", the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s. Now this starts at 8:45 and goes on for approximately three-quarters of an hour.

    Basil Fawlty : I'm sorry, are you talking to me?

    Mr. Hutchinson : Indeed I am. Yes, now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?

    Basil Fawlty : Why don't you talk properly?

  • Mr. Hutchinson : Yeah, well, I thought it said Boff.

    Basil Fawlty : Of course.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, and I thought that Boff was a locale, you see, a name of a district, you see, 'cause that 'P' looks like a 'B.'

    Basil Fawlty : No, it doesn't.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, it does. The little loop on the bottom of it...

    Basil Fawlty : [snatching the diagram and showing it to Walt]  Excuse me - would you say that was a 'P' or a 'B'?

    Mr. Walt : Er...

    Basil Fawlty : There, does it say Boff or does it say Poff?

    Mr. Walt : Well, I...

    Basil Fawlty : There, there! It's a 'P', isn't it?

    Mr. Walt : [unwillingly]  I suppose so.

    Basil Fawlty : P. Off.

    Mr. Walt : I beg your pardon?

    Basil Fawlty : P off! not B. off. Whoever heard of a Bost office?

  • [Basil, after finding out about Mr. Hutchinson's real job] 

    Basil Fawlty : [softly]  Spoons, hey?

    Mr. Hutchinson : What?

    Basil Fawlty : SSPTHOONS!

  • Basil Fawlty : It's all right! He's only choking!

  • Sybil Fawlty : Don't shout at me. I've had a difficult morning.

    Basil Fawlty : Oh, dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Hmm? Not enough cream in your eclair? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?

  • Basil Fawlty : Can we get you something else, Mr. Hutchinson? A tea cosy for your pepper pot, perhaps?

  • Basil Fawlty : [after enough of Mr. Hutchinson complaining]  You want to run the place?

    Mr. Hutchinson : No, no, I...

    Basil Fawlty : Right, well, shut up then.

    Mr. Hutchinson : I beg your pardon?

  • Basil Fawlty : It's always a pleasure to find someone who appreciates the boudoir of the grape. I'm afraid most of the people we get in here don't know a Bordeaux from a claret.

    Mr. Walt : A bordeaux *is* a claret.

    Basil Fawlty : What? Oh, *Bordeaux* is a claret, yes, but they wouldn't know that.

  • [being moved to another table a second time] 

    Mr. Walt : Look, I did ask the waiter!

    Basil Fawlty : Well, he's hopeless, isn't he? Might as well ask the cat.

  • Basil Fawlty : I mean, where are the pens? I mean, what... Would you believe it! I mean, there are no pens here. I mean, this is supposed to be a hotel.

    [sybil shakes a box] 

    Basil Fawlty : Well, what are they doing in there?

    Sybil Fawlty : I put them there.

    Basil Fawlty : Why?

    Sybil Fawlty : Just sign there, Mr. Walt. Because you're always losing them, Basil.

    Basil Fawlty : I am NOT always losing them. People TAKE them.

    Sybil Fawlty : Well, they don't take them from me.

    Basil Fawlty : They wouldn't dare. Well, I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd suddenly done that after twelve years, dear. I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little bit below par this morning. There we are.

    Sybil Fawlty : Don't be silly, Basil. It's written there quite clearly on the top of the box.

    Basil Fawlty : Pens? It looks more like "Bens" to me.

    Sybil Fawlty : Well, WHEN Ben comes, you can give it to him.

  • Basil Fawlty : Manuel.

    Manuel : Ah, si?

    Basil Fawlty : The bottle.

    Manuel : Uh... yes.

    Basil Fawlty : Where is it?

    Manuel : Qué?

    Basil Fawlty : Donde es...

    Manuel : Oh, I take it. I take it, I take it.

    Basil Fawlty : Come here.

    Manuel : Qué.

    Basil Fawlty : You're a waste of space.

    [Basil thwacks him on the forehead with a spoon] 

  • Basil Fawlty : I wish you'd help a bit. You're always refurbishing yourself.

  • Basil Fawlty : I would find it a little easier to cope with some of the cretins we get in here, my little nest of vipers, if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.

    Sybil Fawlty : Cooperation? That's a laugh. The day you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box. I've never heard such rudeness.

  • Mr. Hutchinson : [looking at a map drawn by Basil]  I don't quite understand this, where is the post office?

    Basil Fawlty : It's there where it says "post office". I'm sorry if it's confusing.

  • Basil Fawlty : [talking to Sybil about some of the undesirable guests]  Look, if you think I'm going to fawn to some of the yobbos we get in here...

  • Basil Fawlty : The casserole was really good, was it?

    Mr. Walt : Well... it was adequate.

  • Basil Fawlty : I suppose talking to Audrey for half an hour helps business, does it?

    Sybil Fawlty : It was about business for your information. Audrey has some news that may interest you.

    Basil Fawlty : [sarcastically]  Oh, really - this'll be good. Let me guess... The Mayor wears a toupée? Somebody's got nail varnish on their cat? Am I getting warm?

  • Basil Fawlty : Manuel will show you to your room - if you're lucky.

  • Basil Fawlty : I'm so sorry. He's from Barcelona.

  • Basil Fawlty : [Forcibly escorting Mr Hutchinson from the hotel]  Now get out. If you ever come back I shall kill you.

  • Basil Fawlty : Obviously, I can't handle it! I'm just a great sabre-toothed tart, so we'll let my husband do it.

  • Mr. Hutchinson : I assume that all the vegetables within the omelette are fresh?

    Basil Fawlty : Oh, yes, yes.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Including the peas?

    Basil Fawlty : Oh, yes, they're fresh all right.

    Mr. Hutchinson : They're not frozen, are they?

    Basil Fawlty : Well, they're frozen, yes.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Well, if they're frozen, they're not fresh, are they?

    Basil Fawlty : Well, I assure you they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen.

  • Mr. Hutchinson : You told me to shut up!

    Polly : No, no. He told me to shut up.

    Mr. Hutchinson : You ass, he said it to me!

    Basil Fawlty : Uh, no. I was, uh, looking at you, but I was talking to Polly. Wasn't I, Polly?

    Polly : Oh yes.

    Basil Fawlty : Uh, did you notice then, that I was looking at you but talking to her?

    Mr. Hutchinson : What?

    Polly : You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me. Wasn't he?

    Basil Fawlty : Wasn't I?

  • Basil Fawlty : I understand you're in the spoon trade.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Oh, yes.

    Basil Fawlty : Oh, fascinating, fascinating. How... how absorbing for you. So much more interesting than being a hotel inspector!

  • Mr. Hutchinson : And, if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.

    Basil Fawlty : If anybody wants you?

    Mr. Hutchinson : I'll be in the lounge.

    Basil Fawlty : Anyone in particular? I mean, Henry Kissinger? Or just anyone with a big net?

  • Mr. Walt : [after tasting some wine]  I'm afraid this is corked.

    Basil Fawlty : I just uncorked it. Didn't you see me?

    Mr. Walt : What?

    Basil Fawlty : Look.

    Mr. Walt : No, no.

    Basil Fawlty : No, you see, I took it out of the bottle. That's how I managed to get the wine out of the bottle into your glass.

    Mr. Walt : I don't mean that. I mean the wine is corked. The wine has reacted with the cork.

    Basil Fawlty : I'm sorry?

    Mr. Walt : The wine has reacted with the cork and gone bad.

  • Basil Fawlty : [attempting to compliment a guest]  You obviously drink a lot. Wine, I mean. I mean, a fair amount... I mean, the right amount for a connoisseur. That doesn't mean you're... Does it? Some people drink it by the crate. But that's not being a connoisseur. That's just plain sloshed.

  • Basil Fawlty : Incidentally, I don't know if you realize, but he's a regular customer of ours. Oh, he loves it here. It's his second home. It's just that we always have to have this little...

    [Basil makes a gesture to indicate fighting] 

    Basil Fawlty : I don't know why, but he seems to like it.

    Mr. Walt : Really?

    Basil Fawlty : Yes. The only danger is that somebody is going to think that he really isn't satisfied about something, or the fighting's real, you know, and tell somebody. You won't mention it, will you?

  • Basil Fawlty : All right. Fifty pounds, then.

    Mr. Walt : Beg your pardon?

    Basil Fawlty : Fifty pounds not to mention it.

    Mr. Walt : Fifty pounds?

    Basil Fawlty : So, sixty not to write about it. You know, articles, books, letters.

    Mr. Walt : I'm afraid I really don't...

    Basil Fawlty : Oh, please! It's taken us twelve years to build this place up. Don't put this in the book. We're finished if you... Please don't.

    Mr. Walt : Book? What book?

    Basil Fawlty : The hotel guide. Oh, sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it. Oh, what have I done?

    Mr. Walt : You've got me confused with someone else. I've... I've nothing to do with any hotel guide. I'm down here for the exhibition. I sell outboard motors.

  • Mr. Hutchinson : I would just like to say... I was trying to say, this hotel is extremely inefficient and badly run, and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.

    [Basil starts laughing] 

    Mr. Hutchinson : Did I say something funny, Mr. Fawlty?

    Basil Fawlty : Well, sort of pithy, I suppose.

    Mr. Hutchinson : Pithy? Oh, really? Well, here's the punch line.

    [Mr. Hutchinson hits Basil] 

    Mr. Hutchinson : Now, I'm going to fetch my belongings, and I do not expect to receive a bill.

    Sybil Fawlty : You've handled that then, have you, Basil?

    Basil Fawlty : Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.

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