Father Ted (TV Series)
New Jack City (1996)
Dermot Morgan: Father Ted Crilly
Quotes
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Father Ted Crilly : What was it he used to say about the needy? He had a term for them...
Father Dougal McGuire : A shower of bastards.
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Father Ted Crilly : Dougal, have you been drinking?
Father Dougal McGuire : Yes Ted, I've been drinking like a mad eedjit!
[Winks at Fr. Stack]
Father Dougal McGuire : I mean no, I haven't.
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Father Fintan Stack : I want to listen to some music.
Father Ted Crilly : Oh, that's fine, you go ahead there.
Father Fintan Stack : I wasn't asking for permission.
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Father Ted Crilly : Come on, Divorce Referendum!
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Father Ted Crilly : Meals are at eleven, one, half-two, three, five, seven, and nine, and if you want a quick snack, you can just ask Mrs. Doyle there.
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Father Ted Crilly : His note from the bishop said they never really found a suitable place for him... he's not a very nice man, is he?
Father Dougal McGuire : God, Ted. I've never met anyone like him anywhere... who would he be like - Hitler or one of those mad fellas.
Father Ted Crilly : Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning.
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Father Ted Crilly : Father Stack, if you're trying to embarrass us, you're not succeeding.
Father Fintan Stack : [Smugly] Yes I am!
Father Rory Shanahan : Well I have to say, I think you're a very rude man.
Father Fintan Stack : [Still smug] If you ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall.
[Father Ted, Father Rory and Father Ken look uncomfortable and embarrassed. Door opens, sending beer cans everywhere. Dougal staggers in, he is drunk]
Father Ted Crilly : Dougal, where did you go?
Father Dougal McGuire : [Slurred] Ted! How are ya?
[Lunges forward and hugs Ted, who pushes him away]
Father Ted Crilly : [Shocked] Dougal, what the...
Father Dougal McGuire : Guess what, Ted?
Father Ted Crilly : What?
Father Dougal McGuire : [Confused] What?
Father Ted Crilly : Dougal, have you been drinking?
Father Dougal McGuire : I have, Ted! I've been drinking like a mad eejit!
[Puts his arm around Ted]
Father Dougal McGuire : No no, wait wait...
[Winks at an amused Father Stack]
Father Dougal McGuire : ... No, I haven't!
Father Ted Crilly : Dougal, I'm ashamed of you.
Father Dougal McGuire : [Shaking Ted] Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted, Ted. Come here Teddy, Teddy, Ted, Ted, you're my best friend. God I love being a priest.
[Drunkenly unenthusiastic]
Father Dougal McGuire : We're all going to heaven lads, wahey.
Father Fintan Stack : [Quietly amused] Perhaps I should explain. Your little friend and I were enjoying ourselves with a bottle of whiskey I found upstairs.
Father Ted Crilly : [Outraged] Well, this is the last straw!
Father Dougal McGuire : [Holding some car keys] I'm driving! I'm driving home, I'm perfectly capable...
[Collapses, dropping the keys. Father Stack retrieves them]
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Father Fintan Stack : I want to listen to some music.
Father Ted : Oh, that's fine, you go ahead there.
Father Fintan Stack : I wasn't asking for permission.