Father Ted (TV Series)

Are You Right There Father Ted? (1998)

Dermot Morgan: Father Ted Crilly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Father Ted : [trying to explain himself]  I'm not a fascist, I'm a priest. Fascists go round dressed in black telling people what to do, whereas priests... er... More drink!

• Colm : I hear you're a racist now, Father? Should we all be racist now? What's the Church's position? I'm so busy down on the farm I won't have much time for the ol' racism.

  Father Ted : What?

  Mrs. Carberry : [wildly gesticulating]  Good for you, Father! Good for you! Somebody finally had the guts to stand up and say it! They come over here, after our jobs and our women, fecking Greeks!

  Colm : It's not the Greeks, it's the Chinese he's after!

  Father Ted : I'm not after the Chinese! I'm not a racist!

  Mrs. Carberry : I don't care so long as I can have a go at the Greeks! They're the ones who invented gayness!

• [Ted is trying to explain that he isn't a racist, by buying drinks for Chinese men. He raises his glass] 

  Father Ted : To China!

  [everybody cheers] 

  Chinese man : [raising his glass]  To Craggy Island!

  [everybody cheers] 

  Father Ted : More drink!

  [everybody cheers] 

  Bar tender : I'm sorry, the bar's closed.

  [everybody cheers] 

  Father Ted : How about we all go back to my place for a drink?

  [everybody cheers] 

  Father Dougal : Wait, I need to go to the toilet first.

  [everybody cheers]