Family Guy (TV Series)

E. Peterbus Unum (2000)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Jasper, Ulysses S. Griffin, Bill Clinton, Voiceover, Plumber, Cartoonist, Officer, City Hall Employee, Robert E. Lee, Albania President, Washington Senator, Future Student

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chris Griffin : I was going to school, and this guy won't let me.

  Peter Griffin : Oh yeah? Him and what army?

  Chris Griffin : The U.S. Army.

  [points to soldiers in street] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, that's a good army.

• Joe Swanson : You can't just come over here and annex my pool!

  Peter Griffin : Oh yeah? Well, according to paragraph 7, sentence 3, word 8 of the Geneva Convention... "the". So, tough luck, Swanson.

• [Peter forms his own country] 

  Peter Griffin : I call it... Petoria. I was going to call it Peterland, but that gay bar by the airport took it.

• Police Officer : Hey. That's Against the law. You're coming with me.

  Peter Griffin : [singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this]  Ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/

  Adam West : What in God's name is he doing?

  Peter Griffin : Can't Touch me.

  Cleveland : I believe that's the worm.

  Peter Griffin : [still singing]  Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.

• Peter Griffin : Well how about you just give me your pen?

  Adam West : You mean this cheap little pen we have millions of back at the office?

  Peter Griffin : Yeah.

  Adam West : No!

• Glen Quagmire : Hey Peter, you can't drink that outside. You're gonna end up in jail. And not the good jail you see on Cinemax. The man jail.

• Chris Griffin : Dad, there's a guy outside who says I can't go to school.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah? Him and what army?

  Chris Griffin : The U.S. Army.

  Peter Griffin : ...that's a good army.

• Peter Griffin : Oh, okay, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. Now, a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let 'im kill?

  Brian Griffin : That's, that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.

  Peter Griffin : Wrong! It's the ugly one.

• Brian Griffin : Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

  Peter Griffin : I drift in and out.

• Robert E. Lee : Alright, no more slaves. But we still don't have to read books.

• Peter Griffin : I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks. Do ya think G. Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks while he was strangling people with piano wire for the good of our nation?

• Peter Griffin : Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going?

  Lois Griffin : America. I've had enough. You can keep this filthy mess you call a country. Come on kids.

  Stewie Griffin : This is treason! Oh, for gawd's sake, Peter, make an example of her. Nothing says 'Obey me' like a bloody head on a fence post.