Family Guy (TV Series)

Breaking Out Is Hard to Do (2005)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Daniel Day-Lewis, Man in Supermarket, Warden, Man in Dinner Party, Jackie Chan, Vet, Asian Manager, Trix Rabbit, Man in Nebraska

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Yes, and we should do nothing to draw attention to ourselves as outsiders...

  Peter Griffin : [Points at Asian guy] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, my god, it's Jackie Chan.

  [Points at another Asian guy] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, my god, it's Jackie Chan.

  Jackie Chan : Hi, there. Nice to meet a fan of my movies.

  [to Peter] 

  Jackie Chan : Oh, my god, its Ethan Hawke.

  Peter Griffin : Uh,no i'm not.

  Jackie Chan : Sorry my mistake.

  Jackie Chan : [At Chris] 

  Jackie Chan : Oh, my god, it's Ethan Hawke.

  Meg Griffin : Mom, can we go get some food?

  Jackie Chan : [to Meg]  Oh, my god it's, Malcom In Middle.

  Meg Griffin : I'm not a boy.

  Jackie Chan : Yes you are!

• Announcer : This program is brought to you by Asian Trix.

  [Commercial with three kids and the rabbit] 

  Asian Kid : Silly, wabbit. Trix are for kids.

  Trix Rabbit : You Share!

  [Kills children] 

• [Sees a sumo wrestler] 

  Peter Griffin : Wow, you put on weight, Jackie Chan.

• Peter Griffin : Quagmire, what are you doing here?

  Glen Quagmire : Oh, It's conjugal visit day, you know I love doing a woman in the can. OH! Giggity-giggity-giggity-goooo!

• Glen Quagmire : Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy, let's have sex!

• Brian Griffin : Ugh, I can't believe you're serving a three year sentence, it seems so harsh.

  Lois Griffin : Well, the only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin' because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...

  Glen Quagmire : Oh God!

  Lois Griffin : ...and I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things...

  Glen Quagmire : OH GOD!

  Lois Griffin : ...and I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.

  Glen Quagmire : OH GAWWWD!

  Lois Griffin : I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.

  Glen Quagmire : That one is also sexual.

• Brian Griffin : Lois, you're in an auto parts store stealing mufflers. This is worse than that Winona Ryder thing!

  Lois Griffin : Are you saying I'm a klepto?

  Brian Griffin : Uh, actually, I was talking about "The Age of Innocence".

  [cut to scene from The Age of Innocence] 

  Daniel Day-Lewis : It is settled, May. Our parents have consented and you and I are to be married on the first warm, sunny day of spring.

  Winona Ryder : [woodenly]  That would be *most* good, Newland. *Most* good.

  Daniel Day-Lewis : [sighs, turns to crew off-camera]  I'm sorry, but she is just awful. Is there any way... I mean, can we add, like, a topless scene or something?

  Martin Scorsese : [off-screen]  Uh, yeah.

  Daniel Day-Lewis : Really?

  Martin Scorsese : Yeah.

  Daniel Day-Lewis : We can? Oh great! All right, we got a movie.

• Kidnapper : I got some candy in my van, if your kid wants some.

  Mom in Supermarket : Oh great!

  [Starts to hand over a baby] 

  Mom in Supermarket : Wait a minute!

  Kidnapper : [laughs]  Ah, you got me, you got me. I'll get him though.

  Mom in Supermarket : [laughs, walking off]  I bet you will, I bet you will.

• Brian Griffin : [dressed-up as a woman, walking up and down Lois and Peter's bedroom]  Uh, I have so much to do today. I have to do laundry, then I have a piano lesson, then I have to make dinner. I'm so busy. Better hurry.

  Stewie Griffin : [entering the room]  Lois, I want my graham crack - -

  [realizing he's talking to Brian in drag] 

  Stewie Griffin : Oh...

  Brian Griffin : [stops walking]  Hey...

  Stewie Griffin : Hey... are you playing a little dress-up?

  Brian Griffin : Yeah...

  Stewie Griffin : Yeah... Good. It's fun to pretend. Hum... so, listen, if you see Lois, tell her...

  Brian Griffin : ...Graham cracker.

  Stewie Griffin : Graham cracker, yes, yes, that's... that's it. Hum... all right. So... I'm just gonna go out in the hallway and throw up about something else

  [exit backwards] 

• Lois Griffin : I feel like I've had this void all my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.

  Glen Quagmire : Oh, God!

  Lois Griffin : And I was trying to fill that hole with all these expensive things...

  Glen Quagmire : Ooooh, God!

  Lois Griffin : And I just enjoyed having all these things filling that hole.

  Glen Quagmire : Ohhhhhhhhhh, God!

  Lois Griffin : I guess I'm just going to have to sit back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.

  Glen Quagmire : That one is also sexual.