- Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: [in Natalie's flashback] Anyone loaning me her Volkswagen to learn how to drive would never have to worry.
- Jo Polniaczek: She's so subtle.
- Blair Warner: [to Mrs. Garrett] You think you can just run off with the first do-gooder that comes along? We've been waiting seven years to be bridesmaids for you.
- [first lines]
- Natalie Green: [thoughts heard as she types] It was a dark and dreary night as Boris the vampire prince first bit me on the neck...
- [realizes what utter junk she's writing]
- Natalie Green: No.
- [rips page from typewriter, sets out once more:]
- Natalie Green: It was a clear and starry night when Derek the CIA agent first bit me on the neck.
- Jo Polniaczek: So, you're... dating Mrs. Garrett, huh?
- Dr. Bruce Gaines: Well, 'dating' is such an old-fashioned word. No. Uh, we're... going steady.