Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

Net Worth (2001)

Doris Roberts: Marie Barone

Quotes 

• Debra Barone : You're a homemaker, like me.

  Marie Barone : [Playing along]  Okay.

  Debra Barone : Don't you think that you're entitled to an equal say in your family's financial decisions?

  Marie Barone : Absolutely, dear.

  Debra Barone : This is a list I put together to make that point with Ray.

  Robert Barone : Look how she puts a line through her sevens. Isn't that nice?

  [Marie starts chuckling] 

  Debra Barone : What?

  Marie Barone : Just looking through some of this housekeeping things you claim you do. I think maybe I'm entitled to some of this money.

  Ray Barone : Looks like someone's padding the bill.

  Debra Barone : Look, Ray, I can't help it if people break in here and clean.

  Ray Barone : Yeah, well, the "in here" you're talking about is the house we bought with my paycheck.

  Debra Barone : Are you saying you're more valuable than me because you bring home a paycheck?

  Ray Barone : I'm not saying that. I think society says that. All right? You should talk to them.

  Robert Barone : Actually, Raymond, the best way to determine the value of someone's life is with a wrongful death settlement.

  Debra Barone : Oh, good. Good, 'cause we're about to have one.

  Robert Barone : No, really, I dated a wrongful death claims adjuster. And it was her job to figure out what a jury would award a family if a loved one were killed an accident. In other words, what they were worth. It was fascinating to see what she had to consider. Too morbid for a second date, but fascinating.

  Ray Barone : What? Like what?

  Robert Barone : Like they consider what kind of person you were. Take Dad, for example. Let's say someone dropped a piano on him.

  Marie Barone : [Playing along as before]  Okay.

  Robert Barone : A jury would be asked to consider what kind of life he led. Was he a happy person? Did he bring joy to others? Did he stop and smell the roses?

  Frank Barone : Yes, yes and yes.

  Marie Barone : You don't enjoy life! You spend three hours every afternoon locked in the bathroom.

  Frank Barone : Hiding from you, that's how I enjoy life!

• Marie Barone : Tell one of your jokes, dear.

  Ray Barone : What? Which one?

  Ray Barone : Tell the one about the guy who goes into a bar, and there's a dish of peanuts that says nice things to him. And he asks the bartender "What's with these peanuts?" And the bartender says "They're complimentary." Tell that one, dear.

  Ray Barone : You... you just told it, Ma.

  Marie Barone : No, no. You tell it so funny.

  Ray Barone : You just told the ending, Ma.

  Marie Barone : Well, tell the beginning.

• Marie Barone : Do you know that for more than 30 years I've been giving money to buy books for children in South America? You think your father would have approved of that?

  Robert Barone : He didn't like buying *us* books.