- Narrator: Legend has it, this bridge was constructed by a young man and women who lived on opposite sides of the river the two fell in love and contructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss. From that day on, it would be known appropriately as the kissing bridge. And if people had just stuck to the kissing, Dr. Brown would have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis.
- Amy Abbott: Anyways, what's the big deal about gonorrhea? It's completely curable, unlike the herp which never goes away. Right, Dad?
- Dr. Andrew ''Andy'' Brown: Look, Ephram, I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic. It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
- Ephram Brown: You don't have to try. You do it pretty naturally.
- Dr. Harold Abbott: I'm familiar with gonorrhea of the throat.
- Dr. Andrew ''Andy'' Brown: Not personally, I hope.
- Dr. Harold Abbott: Listen, here, Dr. Cocoa Puffs. If I treated anyone for anything, I wouldn't tell you about it. There's this little rule called doctor-patient confidentiality. Perhaps you've heard of it.
- Amy Abbott: My dad is going to kill me.
- Ephram Brown: I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you went.
- Amy Abbott: That's not the way it works at my house.
- Ephram Brown: How does it work?
- Amy Abbott: He yells, I apologize, there's a sentencing of some sort and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced.
- Ephram Brown: In my house, it's more like, I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually, someone gets tired.
- Dr. Andrew ''Andy'' Brown: Any idea what the schools are teaching?
- Edna Harper: I'm not sure, but whatever they don't cover, HBO does.