- Delia Brown: [to Ephram] You should be happy you made a friend.
- Ephram Brown: What's that supposed to mean?
- Delia Brown: It's not easy. Everybody in my class has known each other since the '90s.
- Ephram Brown: Boy, can I clear a hallway or what?
- Amy Abbott: That's Kayla and Paige. They're allergic to anyone who's not at the top-two popularity percentile.
- Ephram Brown: I'm only 98% short.
- Amy Abbott: [to Ephram] My friend Kayla is having a birthday party. Wanna go?
- Ephram Brown: Do you need somebody to play "Happy Birthday"?
- Amy Abbott: Come on. You'll be my guest.
- Ephram Brown: I don't know. Me, your friends... lit candles in the same room?
- Amy Abbott: [to Ephram] Maybe if you weren't scowling all the time, people wouldn't feel the need to disinvite you places.
- Ephram Brown: You're right. Maybe I should take up football and cow tipping, and then I could be the most popular boy in the school.