Photos
Quotes
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Johnny "Drama" Chase : We don't wanna tell you she's a bitch, then two weeks later you get back together and you're mad at us for saying that.
Eric Murphy : It's over.
Johnny "Drama" Chase , Turtle : She's a bitch!
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Turtle : I'm on ass patrol. I got a six-pack, one of them kinda looks like Kristen.
Eric : What are you, an asshole?
Turtle : I'm just saying, revenge fuck.
Eric : What, I'm gonna revenge fuck someone 'cos she kinda looks like my ex?
Turtle : Fuck, I would. More importantly, this girl told me she loves to give head. Since I know you desperately need it, I'm gonna make sure she gives it to you.
Eric : Yeah, I'm sure a girl told you she loves to give head too, right?
Turtle : After I told her I love Derek Jeter, then she told me that.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : [as very striking girl comes down the stairs] Legally Blonde, two o'clock.
Turtle : [this girl happens to be actress Ali Larter] Boy, here she comes.
Ali Larter : Where's Vince? I can't find him anywhere.
Turtle : I don't even think he came tonight, Ali.
Ali Larter : Do not fuck with me, Turtle. Just tell me where he is.
Eric : Are we gonna do this again tonight?
Ali Larter : [nods impatiently] Go fuck yourself, Eric.
[turns, leaves]
Johnny "Drama" Chase : What are you mad at me? I didn't do anything.
Turtle : Come on, let's go, these girls are hot. They won some KROQ contest. Now they wanna party. But first they wanna meet Vince. You gotta hook that shit up.
Eric : Can you get laid without Vince? That's the question.
Turtle : Do I give a fuck? That's the answer.
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Turtle : [about Kristen] She was in the middle of 40 Deuce with her hand down Vince Vaughn's pants.
Eric : She had her hand down his pants?
Johnny Drama : Both of 'em.
Eric : Vince Vaughn? That puffy motherfucker?
Johnny Drama : No bro, he didn't look puffy at all... He was lookin' real good.
Turtle : Yeah, it was kinda like "Swingers" Vince Vaughn, not "Old School" Vince Vaughn. It's kinda like New School Vince Vaughn.
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Vincent Chase : That's what good actors do, they listen. Right, Johnny?
Johnny "Drama" Chase : [not listening] What?
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Johnny "Drama" Chase : You know what? For two years, you guys mooched off me. You ate my food, fucked my fall-out.
Eric Murphy : Your what?
Johnny "Drama" Chase : My Melrose Place fall-out pussy. And what's my payback? Sharing a bathroom with this fat fuck.
Turtle : Do you need to go at my weight, you balding unemployable douchebag?
[gets whacked on the back of his head]
Vincent Chase : Johnny, you're family, I need you close, all right? Besides, you're gonna thank me when Charles Manson breaks into the house and slits Eric's throat and we're all safe and sound with... What's the dog's name?
Turtle : Arnold.
Vincent Chase : Arnold?
[Turtle chuckles]
Vincent Chase : I like that. Get the dog, Turtle.
Turtle : Quick decisions. That's why you're a star, Vince.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : You ain't got a deal. But I don't pick up dog shit.
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Johnny "Drama" Chase : [sour grapes] Fucking models. If they were any good, they'd be working in New York.
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Vincent Chase : I don't know. It's a cop. I've never played a cop. Can I play a cop?
Turtle : You can play anything, Vince.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : A cop's tough. I did four eps of Blue. The wrong guy can look real stupid carrying a gun.
Turtle : And when were you on NYPD Blue?
Johnny "Drama" Chase : I was on Pacific Blue, cock breath.
Turtle : Oh...
Johnny "Drama" Chase : And you know that.
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Eric Murphy : What do you want, a play by play?
Johnny "Drama" Chase : I fucked like a puma.
Turtle : My girl went nuts, E. For a second, she's juggling the speed bags, then she tells me her uncle used to watch her shower.
Eric Murphy : [sarcastic] That's great.
Turtle : Don't sweat it. I gave her a pair of Vince's jeans. She left thrilled.
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Layla : [lazing in pool] Are you really Vince's brother? Y'all don't look very much alike.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : Yeah, I get that a lot. Because I have a lot less body fat.
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Turtle : [carrying poster into restaurant] Yo, Vince, you need to sign this.
Eric Murphy : Not now, Turtle.
Turtle : It's for Mary at Nike. You want her to shut down our shoe supply?
Eric Murphy : [to Vince] You better sign this.
Vincent Chase : After lunch.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : [inspects poster critically] Don't sign that, Vince. They screwed it up. They got your eye color wrong.
Vincent Chase : It's black-and-white.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : They look brown to me.
Turtle : At least they didn't fuck up your package.
Eric Murphy : What are you talking about? The poster's a head shot.
Turtle : I'm just saying. Shit happens. I heard Warren Beatty sent back 300,000 one sheets for Heaven Can Wait... cos his dick looked too small in sweat pants.
Johnny "Drama" Chase : The guy's smart. He looks out for his image.
Turtle : [as wannabes enter] Incoming! You gotta check this out! Oh, excuse me, you dropped these?
