Star Trek: Enterprise (TV Series)

Babel One (2005)

Scott Bakula: Capt. Jonathan Archer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ensign Hoshi Sato : The food on this ship isn't fit for animals! That mangy pet of yours would probably taste better. You can either take me home or find a new chef; it's that simple. Oh, something else: I want new quarters.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Is that so?

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : For one thing, my room is too small! There are plasma conduits running across the ceiling. It's noisy; it keeps me up all night!

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Maybe you'd sleep better in the cargo bay.

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : What did you say to me?

  Captain Jonathan Archer : This is a starship, not a luxury liner! If you're not satisfied with the accomodations, we can leave you behind in a shuttlepod; maybe you'll have better luck with whoever picks you up. And if you don't like Chef's food, don't eat it! From the looks of things, you should probably skip the dessert table while you're at it!

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : [pauses, then smiles]  That was a nice touch.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : [starts laughing]  I can't believe I'm supposed to speak to their ambassador like that.

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : Tellarites always have a litany of complaints. It's how they start arguments with people they've just met.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Even if they have nothing to complain about?

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : In that case, they'll just insult you. Whatever they say, you have to respond in kind, otherwise they'll take offense.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : [scoffs]  A species that actually thrives on arguing. They probably make good politicians. Thanks for the dry run.

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : Uh, sir - I wasn't kidding about Porthos.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : You think he is mangy?

  Ensign Hoshi Sato : No. But you might wanna keep him out of sight. Tellarites consider canines something of a, uh... delicacy.

• Tellarite Ambassador Gral : I'm told this ship is the pride of Starfleet. I find it small and unimpressive.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you.

• Captain Jonathan Archer : You people are even uglier than I remember. Captain Jonathan Archer. Welcome aboard.

• Captain Jonathan Archer : A species that actually thrives on arguing. They probably make good politicians.

• Captain Jonathan Archer : You wanna fight? I'll throw both of you in the brig! You can tear each other to pieces!

• Commander Shran : Andorian women are far more aggressive than Earth females. She made a... an overture. I had a choice - charge her with assaulting a superior or... mate with her.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Hope you made the right decision.

• Cmdr. Charles 'Trip' Tucker III : You know, I like these people more 'n I thought I would. They don't hold anything back. It's refreshing. Speaking your mind for a change.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : You don't feel free to speak your mind with the rest of us?

  Cmdr. Charles 'Trip' Tucker III : Now, you know what I mean.

  Captain Jonathan Archer : [surly]  No. Maybe you'd like to explain it to me.

  [Tucker gives T'Pol a baffled look] 

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Why don't you change your uniform before you stink up the place?

  Cmdr. Charles 'Trip' Tucker III : [bewildered, then realizing]  Ah, practicing your Tellarite. Y'know, I get it.

  [Archer gives him a stern look. Tucker looks unsure, then walks out] 

  Captain Jonathan Archer : [smiles]  When in Rome...

  Commander T'Pol : I beg your pardon?

  Captain Jonathan Archer : Forget it.