Eerie, Indiana: The Other Dimension (TV Series)

Switching Channels (1998)

Richard McMillan: Ted Tanner

Quotes 

• Ted Tanner : [Mitchell and Stanley go to the cable-tv store and meet the owner, a cross between a salesman and a televangelist]  Good morning to you. Ted Tanner is the name, televised entertainment is the game. Whoa-ho, so I see you're checkin' out the Dish Commander 2000? She is a marvel, isn't she! So, what do you think of my specialty channels, hmmm? Have you *ever* seen anything like that?

  Mitchell Taylor : [a bit cautious]  Well, I'm sure we'd like them, if we knew what they were supposed to be.

  Ted Tanner : Oh, don't worry about it. That's why we give away a guide with every dish installed.

  [he tosses Mitchell a book the size of "War and Peace"] 

  Ted Tanner : [the television sets around the shop are playing various programs]  That - oh, that's the all-Jello channel. And there, that's the Theatre of the Absurd network. They're still waitin' for Godot.

• Ted Tanner : [starting like a salesman, Tanner gradually morphs into fire-and-brimstone religious fervor]  TV is the workhorse of our consumer society. And all TV asks is that you think, merely think, about purchasing some of its fine products and ideas. No obligations, no expectations, no hard feelings if you're not buying today, Noooo. Just have a look-see, is all TV asks. Oh, the medium is so generous, so compassionate, so understandin'.

  Ted Tanner : [almost overcome with emotion]  It does your thinkin' for you. It is your friend. Ahhh, it gives so much and asks so little. And yet, there are some who don't rush to embrace it.

  Stanley Hope : They don't?

  Ted Tanner : [with electronic organ music swelling in the background]  No, but TV doesn't hold that against them, no, sir. Y'see, TV knows that it's not their fault. TV takes the blame. And TV knows what to do. Give you more channels.

  Mitchell Taylor : More channels?

  Ted Tanner : As many as it takes, until we find the one, *The One* that is right for you. And then you, and TV, can become one.

  [the music climaxes with an angelic choir] 

  Ted Tanner : [regaining his composure, he gathers up his equipment]  Meanwhile, I've got thirty more houses to hook up before nightfall. And we are goin' for total penetration! *Hallelujah, boys.*

• Ted Tanner : Nothin' good ever comes without sound effects.