Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)
Ping-Pong (1998)
H. Jon Benjamin: Ben Katz
Quotes
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Todd the Video Store Guy : [holding two VHS tapes] Ben, these are late.
Ben Katz : How about a "hi"?
Todd the Video Store Guy : Hi, Ben. These are late.
Ben Katz : [sighs] Thanks.
Todd the Video Store Guy : Long time no see. It's, your kinda overdue for a visit, if you catch...
Ben Katz : Well, whaddya mean? I was here two days ago.
Todd the Video Store Guy : Those late fees, y'know, they're the lifeblood of Vic's Videos. I mean, they're our bread and butter.
Ben Katz : Well, I just, I don't understand why you charge a full night's rental just 'cause... shouldn't you give a discount break?
Todd the Video Store Guy : The idea of the late fee is that it's a punishment, it's a fine. It's a severe fine for a severe crime.
Ben Katz : But is it, is it THAT severe? Just, y'know...
Todd the Video Store Guy : In the context of a video store? Yes, it is.
Ben Katz : Right.
Todd the Video Store Guy : Is it like murder, or anything like that? No, not at all. Not at all.
Ben Katz : Yeah. 'Cause I'm usually not late.
Todd the Video Store Guy : It's ten bucks.
Ben Katz : Are you serious?
Todd the Video Store Guy : I'm serious. Ten dollars.
Ben Katz : That's as much as I paid for the videos to begin with.
Todd the Video Store Guy : I'm not gonna go over this.
Ben Katz : So you charge full rental rates?
Todd the Video Store Guy : Full rental rates, it's a 100% fine for a late rental.
Ben Katz : That's a little punitive, isn't it?
Todd the Video Store Guy : A "little" punitive? It's 100% punitive.
Ben Katz : Well, can't you put it on my account? Because I wanted to rent...
Todd the Video Store Guy : There's no account. This ain't no country store.
Ben Katz : So I gotta rent this video today, and I'm wondering if you have it in.
Todd the Video Store Guy : What are you looking for?
Ben Katz : It's, uh, "Legends of Table Tennis". Do you have a table tennis section?
Todd the Video Store Guy : Of COURSE we do. We'd be out of business by now if we didn't have a complete table tennis section. Lemme look that up on the computer...
[goes to the computer and starts typing]
Todd the Video Store Guy : Oh, gosh. There was a quicker geek, so that's out.
Ben Katz : Yeah.
Todd the Video Store Guy : [playing "Pong"] I have "Myths of Table Tennis". I have "Great Moments of Table Tennis", I have "GOOD Moments of Table Tennis". I have "Typical Moments in Table Tennis".
Ben Katz : Huh. I didn't know there was gonna be so many choices. You know, my dad used to be a nationally-ranked table tennis player.
Todd the Video Store Guy : Wow!
Ben Katz : Yeah, I can...
Todd the Video Store Guy : Wow.
Ben Katz : Yeah.
Todd the Video Store Guy : You're proud of your father, huh?
Ben Katz : He actually won a lot of tournaments.
Todd the Video Store Guy : Oh, yeah, tournaments. That's nice. Sounds like fun. MY father was in 'Nam.