Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Electric Bike (1997)

Jonathan Katz: Dr. Katz

Quotes 

• Ben Katz : [on the phone with Dr. Katz]  Uh, couple words about the bike.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah?

  Ben Katz : Sucks. Uh, not good. Bad bike, waste of money. Looks bad. People laugh at it. I go by, I ride, the engine doesn't kick in.

  Dr. Katz : Couple little words about the son.

  Ben Katz : Yeah?

  Dr. Katz : Not supportive.

  Ben Katz : Okay.

  Dr. Katz : Unkind.

  Ben Katz : Gotcha.

  Dr. Katz : Peeing on my parade. Maybe a little jealous of my bike.

  Ben Katz : I'm not jealous, dad. I'm, I was riding it, and what happens is, when the engine kicks in, it goes slower. Because it, like, resists. I was also gonna say, dad, is it doesn't do well down sets of stairs.

  Dr. Katz : No, it's not...

  Ben Katz : It's not like a mountain bike.

  Dr. Katz : No, it's a road vehicle, it's not an off-road vehicle.

  Ben Katz : 'Cause when you do, the electric part?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah?

  Ben Katz : Snaps off.

  Dr. Katz : You don't mean that literally, it snapped off? You mean...

  Ben Katz : I mean hypothetically, it would, and literally, it did.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah, Ben, we're gonna have to talk about this more tonight. And I think... I'm hoping that you realize that you've made a-

  [Ben's already hung up] 

  Dr. Katz : hello? Ben?

• Dave : Y'know, I was reading this, uh, old questionnaire when I was little, and it asked us, if we could have the powers of any superhero, who would it be?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Dave : It had the A, B, C. Superman, the Green Lantern, and I'll never forget this: "C" was Aquaman. Now, who's gonna pick "C", doc? Who would want to be Aquaman? The powers are only good underwater. You can't be- what can you do underwater? Okay, I could see: You're swimmin' underwater, that's nice, and you can breathe in the water. Okay, that gets a little boring after a while. But then, you can talk to the fish. What the hell would you want to say to a fish, doc?

  Dr. Katz : Uh...

  Dave : Y'know, Aquaman's swimmin' around:

  [as Aquaman] 

  Dave : "Hi, fish."

  [as fish] 

  Dave : "Hi, Aquaman!"

  [as Aquaman] 

  Dave : "Have you seen anything unusual, under the water?"

  [as fish] 

  Dave : "... Hi, Aquaman!"

• Dr. Katz : [regarding his electric bike]  Laura, do you know how long it took me to get from the elevator to our office?

  Laura the Receptionist : How long?

  Dr. Katz : Six seconds.

  Laura the Receptionist : How long does it usually take you?

  Dr. Katz : Eight seconds. If I knock off two seconds every day, five days a week...

  Laura the Receptionist : You get an extra ten seconds.

  Dr. Katz : That's an extra ten seconds a week, forty seconds a month...

  Laura the Receptionist : Yeah?

  Dr. Katz : ...Eighty seconds every two months...

  [notices Laura has fallen asleep at her desk]