Doctor Who (TV Series)

The Doctor Dances (2005)

John Barrowman: Jack

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Jack Harkness : The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that... I woke up in bed with both of my executioners. Lovely couple, they stayed in touch! Can't say that about most executioners.

• The Doctor : Hanging from a rope, thousands of feet above London, not a cut, not a bruise.

  Rose Tyler : Yeah, I know. Captain Jack fixed me up.

  The Doctor : Oh, we're calling him Captain Jack now, are we?

  Rose Tyler : Well, his name's Jack and he's a captain.

  The Doctor : He's not really a captain, Rose.

  Rose Tyler : Do you know what I think? I think you're experiencing 'Captain Envy'. You'll find your feet at the end of your legs. You may care to move them.

  The Doctor : If ever he was a captain, he's been defrocked.

  Rose Tyler : Yeah? Shame I missed that!

  [the Doctor and Rose have been teleported to Jack's ship] 

  Captain Jack Harkness : Actually, I quit. Nobody takes my frock! Most people notice when they've been teleported. You guys are so sweet!

• Captain Jack Harkness : Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?

  The Doctor : I've got a sonic, er, never mind.

  Captain Jack Harkness : What?

  The Doctor : It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that.

  Captain Jack Harkness : Disruptor? Cannon? What?

  The Doctor : It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!

  Captain Jack Harkness : [yelling]  A sonic *what*?

  The Doctor : [yelling]  *Screwdriver*!

  [the boy and other gasmask creatures come towards them] 

  Rose Tyler : [grabs Jack's Sonic Blaster and points it at the ground]  Going down!

  [floor vanishes beneath them and they land in the room below] 

• Captain Jack : [when he realizes his Sonic Blaster's stopped working]  Damn it! It's the special features, they really drain the battery.

  Rose Tyler : The battery?

  [both run through the door the Doctor just opened; after she stops] 

  Rose Tyler : It's so lame.

  Captain Jack : I was going to send for another one but *somebody's*

  [looking at the Doctor] 

  Captain Jack : got to blow up the factory.

  Rose Tyler : Oh, I know. First day I met him, he blew my job up. That's practically how he communicates.

• Rose Tyler : Are the words 'distract the guard' heading in my general direction?

  The Doctor : I don't think that's such a good idea.

  Rose Tyler : Don't worry. I can handle it.

  Captain Jack Harkness : I've gotten to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up.

  The Doctor : Relax. He's a fifty-first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to 'dancing'.

  Rose Tyler : How flexible?

  The Doctor : Well, by his time, you lot are spread out across half the galaxy.

  Rose Tyler : Meaning?

  The Doctor : So many species, so little time.

  Rose Tyler : What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life and...

  [weakly] 

  Rose Tyler : and...

  The Doctor : [nodding]  Dance.

  [smiles at his clever pun] 

• The Doctor : [finishes locking the door with his Sonic screwdriver]  Ok, that door should hold it for a bit.

  Captain Jack Harkness : The Door. The wall didn't stop it!

  The Doctor : Well it's got to find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!

  Captain Jack Harkness : Well, I've got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.

  The Doctor : Window?

  Captain Jack Harkness : Barred. Sheer drop outside. Seven storeys.

  Captain Jack Harkness : [sits in a wheel chair] 

  Rose Tyler : And no other exits.

  Captain Jack Harkness : Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?

• Captain Jack Harkness : [stands after ceiling is repaired]  Who has a sonic screwdriver?

  The Doctor : I do!

  Rose Tyler : [ignores them]  Lights.

  [starts to move around the room, looking for a switch] 

  Captain Jack Harkness : Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooh, this could be a little more sonic"?

  The Doctor : What, you've never been bored?

  Rose Tyler : [still searching the room]  There's got to be a light switch.

  The Doctor : Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

  Mask Creatures : [Rose finds the lights; turns them on to find the room filled with gasmask creatures; all start chanting]  Mummy? Mummy!

  Captain Jack Harkness : Door.

  [all three run towards it] 

• Captain Jack : Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were... doing.

  The Doctor : We were talking about dancing.

  Captain Jack : It didn't look like talking.

  Rose Tyler : It didn't feel like dancing.

• The Doctor : [having secretly switched Jack's Sonic Blaster with a banana, he now uses it to create a hole in the wall for their escape]  Go, now, don't drop the banana!

  Captain Jack Harkness : Why not?

  The Doctor : [as if vitally important]  Good source of potassium!

• The Doctor : [on Jack]  So, where'd you pick this one up, then?

  Rose : Doctor...

  Captain Jack : She was hanging from a barrage balloon, I had an invisible spaceship.

  [smiling] 

  Captain Jack : I never stood a chance.

  [Rose slowly smiles, obviously flattered] 

• Captain Jack Harkness : The perfect, self-cleaning con.

  The Doctor : Yeah. Perfect.

  Captain Jack Harkness : The London Blitz is nice for self-cleaners. Pompeii's nice if you want to make a vacation of it, though. But you've got to set your alarm for Volcano Day.

• Captain Jack Harkness : I don't know what's happening here, but believe me I had nothing to do with it.

  The Doctor : I'll tell you what's happening. You forgot to set your alarm clock. It's Volcano Day.

  [air-raid sirens start] 

• Captain Jack Harkness : [refering to the banana that he tosses back to the Doctor]  Nice switch.

  The Doctor : [catches banana; holds it up as he speaks]  It's from the groves of Villengard, thought it was appropriate.

  Captain Jack Harkness : There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard? And you did that?

  The Doctor : [semi-shrug; waving the banana proudly]  Bananas are good.

• The Doctor : [identifying Jack's weapon]  Sonic Blaster. Fifty-first century. Weapons factory at Villengard?

  Captain Jack Harkness : You've been to the factories?

  The Doctor : Once.

  Captain Jack Harkness : Well, they're gone now, destroyed. Main reactor went critical, vaporized the lot.

  The Doctor : Like I said. Once.

  [looking over at Rose; matter-of-factly] 

  The Doctor : There's a banana grove there now.

  [looks at Jack; smiling] 

  The Doctor : I like bananas. Bananas are good.

• Captain Jack : [about The TARDIS]  Much bigger on the inside.

  The Doctor : You'd better be.

  Rose : I think what the Doctor's trying to say is - you may cut in.

• Captain Jack : [as he comes to 'distract' Algy]  Hey, Tiger. How's it hanging?

  Algy : [turns around, confused look on his face]  Mummy?

  Captain Jack : Algy, old sport, it's me.

  Algy : [still looks confused, but trying to register Jack's words]  Mummy?

  Captain Jack : It's me, Jack.

  Algy : Jack?

  [really trying to focus on him] 

  Algy : Are you my... mummy?

  [suddenly starts coughing; drops to his knees, Jack watches in horror as Algy transforms into a gasmask creature]