Doctor Who (TV Series)

Aliens of London (2005)

Rupert Vansittart: General Asquith

Quotes 

• General Asquith : I'll put this country under martial law if I have to.

  Joseph Green : Ohh, I'm so scared! That's hair-raising, I mean, literally. Look!

  ["unzips" the top of his forehead, underneath which there is a very bright blue light. Asquith looks and sees Oliver Charles and Margaret Blaine doing the same thing] 

• General Asquith : I've got the White House phoning me direct because Downing Street won't answer their calls! This is outrageous! We haven't even started the vaccination prota. This is appalling. The nations of the world are watching the United Kingdom!

  Joseph Green : Well it has all been a bit of a shock.

  General Asquith : This is the greatest crisis in modern history and you've done nothing! Your behavior has been shameful, sir. You're supposed to be in charge, we need positive leadership. The capital's ground to a halt. Furthermore we can only assume that the Prime Minister's disappearance is the direct result of hostile alien action, and what have you been doing? Nothing!

  Joseph Green : Sorry, sorry! Uh, I thought I was Prime Minister now.

  General Asquith : Only by default.

  Joseph Green : Ah, that's not fair. I've been having such fun!

  General Asquith : You think this is fun?

  Joseph Green : It's a hoax, this thing!

  Margaret Blaine : [cracking up]  It is, honestly! It is super!

  Oliver Charles : [breaks wind]  Ooh! Excuse me!

  [He, Blaine and Green all start breaking wind rather loudly, laughing hysterically as they do so] 

  General Asquith : What's going on? Where are the rest of the Cabinet? Why haven't they been airlifted in?

  Joseph Green : I cancelled it. They'd only get in the way.

  [farts] 

  Joseph Green : There I go!

  [continues to break wind while laughing hysterically] 

  Margaret Blaine : Oh, and me! I'm shaking my booty.

  [She proceeds to continue to also laugh hysterically while breaking wind] 

  General Asquith : Sir! Under Section 5 of the Emergency Protocols, it is my duty to relieve you of command! And by God, I'll put this country under martial law if I have to.

  Joseph Green : Oh! I'm scared!

  [starts walking over to Asquith] 

  Joseph Green : I mean, that's *hair-raising*, I mean, *literally*! Look!

  [lifts his hand and unzips the top of his forehead. Asquith looks at Oliver Charles and Margaret Blaine and sees them doing the same thing. In their true alien forms, they advance on the startled general. Harriet Jones cowers in the closet as the aliens murder General Asquith] 

• [the Slitheen have killed General Asquith, and the one posing as Oliver Charles has taken over his skin] 

  General Asquith : What do you think? How's the compression? I think I've got too much ballast around the middle.

  [farts] 

  General Asquith : Oh, that's better.

  Margaret Blaine : We've really got to fix the gas exchange. It's getting ridiculous.

  Joseph Green : I don't know, it seems very human to me. Uh, better get rid of his skin.

  General Asquith : [picks up Oliver's skin and walks over to the closet, and visibly not too happy at his new disguise]  A shame. I quite enjoyed being Oliver! He had a wife, a mistress and a young farmer.

  [He throws Oliver's skin into the closet, where Harriet Jones picks it up and examines it] 

  General Asquith : God, I was busy! Back to work, I've got an army to command!

  Margaret Blaine : Careful now.