The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Never Name a Duck (1962)
Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie
Photos
Quotes
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : There's a bright side to havin' ducks around the house, too.
Laura Petrie : There is?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, yeah. W-when... when they... when they grow up, we can have fresh duck eggs for breakfast every morning.
Laura Petrie : From which one, Oliver or Stanley?
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Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : [looking through a box full of old toys] Hey, here's something for Ritchie: a bathtub toy with a plastic fish in it.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I think Ritchie's a little too old for plastic fish.
Sally Rogers : [taking the toy] I'll take it.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : I don't want to be personal, but aren't you old enough to bathe with real fish?
Sally Rogers : It's not for me, it's for Mr. Henderson, my cat.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : Your cat eats plastic fish?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie , Sally Rogers : [in unison] It's a plastic cat.
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Miss Glasser : A duck is a duck.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : That's right. A dog's a dog.
Miss Glasser : And a cat is a person.
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[Rob pretends to be making bird calls so Ritchie doesn't figure out he's hiding two baby ducks]
Ritchie Petrie : You're a good actor, Daddy. Do it again.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, I'll cheep some more a... after dinner for ya.
Ritchie Petrie : Aw, please?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Rich, you know Daddy doesn't like to cheep on an empty stomach.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : What are we gonna do with live baby ducks?
Sally Rogers : No, what are *you* gonna do with live baby ducks? They can't come home with me unless they want to be cat food
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Oh yeah. How about you, Buddy?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : Oh, alright, I'll take 'em. My dog likes to eat between meals.