Desperate Housewives (TV Series)

Pilot (2004)

Felicity Huffman: Lynette Scavo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan Mayer : I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for lunch.

  Gabrielle Solis : It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

  Lynette : Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.

• Lynette : You are going to behave today. I am not gonna be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And, just so you know that I'm serious, I am...

  [takes a piece of paper out of her pocket] 

  Porter Scavo : What's that?

  Lynette : Santa's cell-phone number!

  Preston Scavo : How'd you get that?

  Lynette : I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?

• Lynette : [to Parker]  Not now, honey, Mommy's threatening Daddy.

• Lynette : What are you doing? We are at a wake!

  Preston Scavo : When we got here you said we could go in the pool.

  Lynette : I said you could go by the pool. Do you have your swimsuits on?

  Preston Scavo : Yeah, we put them on under our clothes before we left.

• Lynette : Oh, wait, I got to tell you. I was having trouble with swelling so the doctor took me off the pill, so you're just gonna have to put on a condom.

  Tom Scavo : A condom?

  Lynette : Yeah.

  Tom Scavo : What's the big deal? Let's risk it.

  Lynette : Let's risk it?

  Tom Scavo : Yeah.

  [Lynette punches him in the face]