Dead Like Me (TV Series)

Sunday Mornings (2003)

Jasmine Guy: Roxy Harvey

Quotes 

• [Roxy turns to the underpass, where Chuck was turned his car into a shrine] 

  Chuck : I knew you'd come back.

  Roxy Harvey : I have to give you a ticket.

  Chuck : Thank you. I wrote you something, too.

  [takes out a wrinkled paper] 

  Chuck : I realized that when you did the thing that you did, that there were no words in the English language to describe it, so I came up with some words that would help other people understand. Hagelblass: the argument with God. That's what happened between you and me. Stubblerud: the moment in the Hagelblass when there's no turning back. That's when the human need to be taught a lesson.

  Roxy Harvey : Hold on, sir.

  Chuck : No, don't call me sir. Don't call me sir. I am nothing but a Whispanaut, an unworthy one in your presence.

  Roxy Harvey : [shocked]  Jesus...

  Chuck : Are you Jesus?

  Roxy Harvey : No, I'm not Jesus! What's your name, anyway?

  Chuck : Before the Hagelblass... uh, call me Chuck.

  Roxy Harvey : Okay, Chuck. I think what happened to you before was something you imagined. Maybe you had a stroke or something.

  Chuck : When you separated my soul from my body...

  Roxy Harvey : That didn't happen.

  Chuck : - you cured me of all my anger. In one moment, you gave me all the answers.

  Roxy Harvey : Nothing happened.

  Chuck : *Everything* happened!

• Roxy Harvey : I didn't know you smoked a pipe.

  Rube Sofer : You need to fix this.

  Roxy Harvey : He put his hands on me.

  Rube Sofer : Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again.

  Roxy Harvey : I didn't know he'd turn into a nutball.

  Rube Sofer : Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man.

  Roxy Harvey : I wouldn't be making up words and shit.

  Rube Sofer : He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happened to him and now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry.

  Roxy Harvey : This is nothing.

  Rube Sofer : A hundred years from now, people will have little plastic meter maids with bobbing heads hanging from their rearview mirrors.

  Roxy Harvey : What do you want me to do.

  Rube Sofer : It's about restoring the status quo. The guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You've got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again without first having a post-it, I gonna break this pipe off in your ass.

• [Roxy puts a ticket on a drifter's truck] 

  Chuck : Take it back.

  Roxy Harvey : Ticket's already been written. They don't go back.

  Chuck : All right. Okay, then why don't you just shove those tickets where the sun don't shine, miss?

  Roxy Harvey : Step aside, sir. As I told you yesterday, if you have a complaint, there's a system in place.

  Chuck : Your system can suck my dick, miss. Okay? Now I ain't ever gonna pay those fucking tickets, so just take your tickets, put 'em in your fucking pocket and walk off.

  Roxy Harvey : You need to step off.

  Chuck : Step off? Step off? Okay, okay... step off!

  [Chuck attacks Roxy's vehicle] 

  Roxy Harvey : Sir, that is city property!

  Chuck : You're not listening to me, okay! I ain't never gonna pay those tickets, so you take 'em back! I don't give a fuck about your goddamn rules, so take those goddamn tickets back!

  [grabs the tickets and slaps them against Roxy's chest] 

  Roxy Harvey : Hold up, now! I can tolerate you cursing me out, screaming at me, disrespecting my vehicle but don't you *ever* put your hands on me!

  [Chuck pokes Roxy repeatedly] 

  Georgia 'George' Lass : [v.o]  And that's when Roxy decided she didn't care about breaking the rules, either.

  [Roxy pulls Chuck's soul out of his body] 

  Roxy Harvey : Let me tell you something. I am trying to do my job, which is definitely my day job. If you keep fucking with me, there are other skills I can employ that will give your life a turn for the strange and the painful! Do you understand me?

  [Chuck nods and Roxy puts his soul back] 

• [Roxy returns to the underpass, where Chuck is living in a crate] 

  Roxy Harvey : I had your car towed. It's going to cost you $375 to get it back, plus all the tickets. And they busted your door trying to get in, so you can kiss your car radio goodbye.

  Chuck : You're a vengeful God.

  Roxy Harvey : I can appreciate that you think you had some king of revelation, but I am just a meter maid and you are just a dumbass redneck. That's who we are. So we can forget all this bullshit and just get on with it.

  [a young man walks by wearing a meter maid's cap and carrying a parking meter] 

  Roxy Harvey : Who is this?

  Chuck : This is Jason. I told him about the Hagelblass and he's begun his conversion, haven't you buddy?

  Roxy Harvey : Could you give us a minute, Jason?

  Chuck : Go on.

  Roxy Harvey : Fuck off, will you?

  [Jason walks off] 

  Chuck : I know you do this to make me stronger. I know it.

  Roxy Harvey : Chucky, I want you to listen to me, okay? God made a mistake. He wants you to go back to the way you were. God wants you to be an asshole. So you can forget all this Haggleblassen, okay? He wants you to be your old, jackass self again.

  Chuck : This is a test. There's nothing that you could do to make me go back to my old self.

  [Roxy grabs Chuck's balls and squeezes until he goes berserk] 

  Chuck : Ahh! Fuck!

  Roxy Harvey : That's what I'm talking about. What's my name?

  Chuck : Fat-ass bitch!

  Roxy Harvey : Yes! That's who you are, baby!

  [Chuck attacks Roxy's vehicle]