Quotes
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Jane Lane : [Daria is trying on bridesmaid dresses]
[In Southern accent]
Jane Lane : Oh Scarlett, you grow lovelier by the day!
Daria Morgendorffer : I will kill you. And bury your body in this dress.
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Jake Morgendorffer : I don't know why you didn't let me bring my golf clubs.
Helen Morgendorffer : Jake, we're here to see my family, not to have fun.
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Brittany Taylor : [Brittany and Jodie see Daria and Jane in the wedding dress store] Daria?
Daria Morgendorffer , Brittany Taylor : What are you doing here?
Jane Lane : Isn't is obvious? An Arab sheik's in town to buy a few more wives.
Brittany Taylor : They're putting on a bridal expo in the gym. We're modeling!
Daria Morgendorffer : A bridal expo? That's a good message to send to high school students.
Jodie Abigail Landon : It's a fundraiser for extracurricular activities.
Jane Lane : I wonder what kind of extracurricular activities would lead to a wedding...
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Brittany Taylor : What about you? Are you in a play or something?
Daria Morgendorffer : Yes, I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln before she went crazy.
Brittany Taylor : I didn't know she went crazy!
Jane Lane : Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.
Brittany Taylor : Wow...!
Jodie Abigail Landon : Come on, Brittany. Let's finish out fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.
Brittany Taylor : You mean the bullet didn't kill him...?
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[Helen is drunk at Erin's wedding]
Jake Morgendorffer : Helen, um, you're being kind of loud.
Helen Morgendorffer : Oh, no! We don't want a *scene*, do we? We don't want to spoil the *lovely* wedding that *lovely* Mother spent so much *lovely* money on.
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Daria Morgendorffer : I don't think you've thought this through. What do you do with the hostages one you get to the airport?
Jane Lane : They're coming with me. We're talking party plane. All the way to Libya.
Helen Morgendorffer : [On the front porch, Daria and Jane can hear Helen on the phone] Rita, that's so wonderful. I'm so happy for you! You and Erin both.
Daria Morgendorffer : Ah, you'd better take a hike.
Jane Lane : Why?
Daria Morgendorffer : My mom's talking to my Aunt Rita. This isn't going to be pretty.
Jane Lane : Gotcha. Later, huh?
Daria Morgendorffer : That remains to be seen.
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Aunt Amy Barksdale : [Amy is giving her car keys to the valet] I don't mind a few dents, but change the radio station and you're a dead man.
Aunt Rita Barksdale : Amy, how delightful. I thought you weren't coming.
Aunt Amy Barksdale : I wasn't, but I thought if you two could put aside years of bitterness and resentment, then so can I... for a day.
Aunt Rita Barksdale : Oh, Amy, why do you say such ridiculous things?
Aunt Amy Barksdale : Out loud? So, Jake. You're still with Helen, huh? Shows remarkable fortitude. And Roger. How's the skydiving going?
Helen Morgendorffer : Amy, Roger passed away. This is Paul.
Aunt Rita Barksdale : Oh. Sorry Paul. How do you do?
Paul : Who's Roger?
Quinn Morgendorffer : He fell onto a cow.
Paul : Ick!
Daria Morgendorffer : And he was one of the lucky ones.
Helen Morgendorffer : Girls!
Aunt Amy Barksdale : Hey, what's the point of a senseless tragedy if you can't find a little humor in it? I like the way you think, Daria.
[Daria smiles]
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Aunt Rita Barksdale : [Rita and Helen are both drunk and crying] I love you, Helen!
Helen Morgendorffer : I love you too, Rita!
[Helen takes a long sip from a wine bottle]
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Erin's Bridesmaid : You must be Erin's cousins.
Quinn Morgendorffer : I am, but Daria's her...
[speaks quietly]
Quinn Morgendorffer : cousin.
Erin's Bridesmaid : What?
Quinn Morgendorffer : Never mind.
Daria Morgendorffer : Actually, I'm in the witness protection program. The Morgendorffers were kind enough to take me in after my real family was exterminated by the mob.
