- Quinn: Mom, I need your help. This really mean guy drew an ugly picture of me and the Fashion Club at the art fair, and we want to sue for defamation of character.
- Helen: Quinn, you can't sue for defamation of character; he didn't do anything to harm your reputation.
- Quinn: Yes he did! He made my face look like one big freckle! Mom, the embarrassment, the pain, the suffering!
- Helen: In the eyes of the law, pain and suffering are when a surgeon leaves his pager in your spleen.
- Quinn: Ew! What if you were on a date and it started beeping?
- Helen: [On the phone] Sandi, is Quinn all right?
- Sandi Griffin: Actually, none of us are all right, given how we were cruelly maligned by that so-called "artist."
- Helen: Sandi, I already explained to Quinn that a lawsuit is out of the question.
- Sandi Griffin: Yes, so she told me. But, Quinn is a simple, uncomplicated girl and perhaps didn't consider other legal avenues we could explore to address our problem.
- Helen: I'm really terribly busy.
- Sandi Griffin: You see, given that this person is hardly an artist and therefore falsely represented himself, I thought we might take steps to have him disbarred.
- Helen: Sandi, disbarring only applies to lawyers.
- Sandi Griffin: Exactly, and you're a lawyer. So, you can do it, voila.