Coupling (TV Series)

The Melty Man Cometh (2001)

Ben Miles: Patrick Maitland

Quotes 

• Steve : Maybe you just don't fancy her.

  Patrick : But she was naked. She could've been anyone.

• Steve : Should you kiss her now or does that mean you gotta start from the top again?

  Jeff : Should you be making noises yet? Is it too soon to grunt?

  Steve : [snaps fingers]  And then, the killer - out of nowhere, for no reason you can think of, you call her *huskily* "baby".

  Jeff : You never called her baby before.

  Steve : You've never called anyone baby before.

  Jeff : So why did you just call her baby? Suddenly you're starting to blush

  Steve : Now, you're blushing *and* you've got and erection. No-one's got enough blood!

  Jeff : The engines cut. They can't take it.

  Steve : Then the melty man hits you with his secret weapon.

  Jeff : Just one single thought is placed in your mind at this crucial time.

  Steve : Please God! Don't let me lose my erection!

  Jeff : [hand goes down]  Pufff.

  Patrick : [with terror and disblief]  How do you guys manage to have sex?

  Steve : ["duh!" voice]  We don't.

  Jeff : I haven't had sex in years.

  Steve : It's just not possible anymore.

  Jeff : We are followers of the melty man.

  Steve : And you're one of us now.

• Patrick : There is no connection between my dick and my brain!

• The Melty Man : Join me, Patrick

  Patrick : Never! You killed my erection!

  The Melty Man : No, Patrick, I *am* your erection.

  Patrick : Nooooo!

• Sally : [trying to figure out why Patrick was unable to 'perform']  Do you find me physically attractive?

  Patrick : Yes, you look great. You've got a great body.

  Sally : So what is it? My feet? My taste in hats, what?

  Patrick : There's nothing I don't like. What's wrong with you!

  Sally : Nothing, apparently! My great personality is inside my great body. So why aren't you?