- Sally Harper: My God, Susan... I'm being criticized by a talking penis!
- Susan Walker: It's okay, Sally.
- Sally Harper: It took me three years of counselling to stop having that nightmare!
- Jane: [as Jake the sock puppet] Hello, everybody!
- Sally Harper: Oh, my God, it's a penis!
- Jane: [in own voice] It's not a penis! It's a snake!
- Sally Harper: Snake, penis, what's the difference?
- Jane: [as Jake] You're cute!
- Jane: I don't like to label everything in my medicine cabinet. You'd never have any surprises.
- Steve Taylor: This week's top tip from Children's Hour.
- Jeremy Phillips: I wanted to talk to you about this morning's show...
- Jane: I think it was a success.
- Jeremy Phillips: Several people are in hospital.
- Jane: Jeremy, I'm reporting traffic. There's bound to be some casualties.
- Jeff: Asses are the human races favorite thing. When God gave us our asses he had to stick them round the back just so we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day. Cause when God made the ass he didn't say "Hey it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early." He said "Behold ye angels, I have created the ass. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name"