- [Brent adds video rentals to Corner Gas' services]
- Oscar Leroy: This will just confuse people. They won't know whether this is a gas station or a drive-in theater. What, are you in show business now? The gas business not good enough for you? You've got to be Ed Sullivan? "We've got a great shoooo! We've got a really big shoooo!" What the hell are you thinking?
- Brent LeRoy: I'm thinking your Ed Sullivan needs work.
- [first lines of the series]
- Brent LeRoy: Want me to fill it up?
- Man: Sure. You know I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.
- Brent LeRoy: Well, you still haven't really. About halfway to go yet.
- Man: Sure is flat.
- Brent LeRoy: How do you mean?
- Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
- Brent LeRoy: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
- Hank Yarbo: How do you mean?
- Brent LeRoy: Topographically I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.
- Hank Yarbo: There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.
- Brent LeRoy: There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh... Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.
- Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
- Brent LeRoy: There's nothin' else to do.
- Hank Yarbo: [upon seeing the changes to the coffee shop] What the hell did she do to this place?
- Brent LeRoy: Here we go. Would ya settle down Hank? It's just a little different.
- Hank Yarbo: Different? We're in the seventh circle of Hell here! Look, look at this, where's the old clear salt and pepper shakers? I mean you can't see inside these ones, how are you supposed to know which is which?
- Emma Leroy: One shaker's black and one shaker's white.
- Brent LeRoy: Take a leap of faith.
- Hank Yarbo: What if it's a trick?
- Wanda Dollard: Then shake some on your hand first.
- Hank Yarbo: That's unsanitary.
- Brent LeRoy: I've seen you eat gum off your shoe.
- Hank Yarbo: What's that got to do with anything?
- Hank Yarbo: Hey Wanda, what do you know about this Lacey?
- Wanda Dollard: I know she doesn't have cataracts, so you don't have a chance.
- Brent LeRoy: Scorch!
- Hank Yarbo: [referring to the changes to the coffee shop] I'm gonna fight this.
- Emma Leroy: It's her place, she can do what she wants with it.
- Hank Yarbo: Well, I got two words for you; boycott. I'm gonna put this place out of business.
- Brent LeRoy: Hank, if you had the power to put companies out of business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?
- Wanda Dollard: Yeah, and deodorant.
- Emma Leroy: Clean underwear.
- Brent LeRoy: Books.
- Wanda Dollard: Pants that fit.
- Emma Leroy: Nail clippers.
- Brent LeRoy: Dandruff shampoo.
- Wanda Dollard: Um... dental floss.
- Emma Leroy: Toilet paper.
- Oscar Leroy: Pick-up trucks.
- Brent LeRoy: You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?
- Oscar Leroy: Shut up!
- Hank Yarbo: [about Lacey] Is it so unreasonable to be curious about a new person in town? Does she have a criminal record? That's a reasonable question. Does she do drugs? That's a valid inquiry.
- Brent LeRoy: Maybe she doesn't want us in the coffee shop 'cause she's turning the whole place into a methamphetamine lab. Get the kids hooked on the meth and the crack cocaine, 'cause once they're hooked on that, you know what's next: marijuana. Then jazz music. Forget about it.
- Karen Pelly: Car 1 to Car 2. Car 1 to Car 2. Come in, Car 2.
- Davis Quinton: I'm Car 1.
- Karen Pelly: I thought I was Car 1.
- Davis Quinton: I'm always Car 1.
- Karen Pelly: Really? 'Cause my car's got a big "1" on it.
- Davis Quinton: What do you want, Karen?
- Karen Pelly: I thought whoever spoke first was Car 1.
- [Oscar doesn't know how to set up his VCR, but rents "Jaws" anyway]
- Brent LeRoy: So, uh, what was your favourite part of the movie?
- Oscar Leroy: The shark parts.
- Brent LeRoy: Which, uh, which shark parts?
- Oscar Leroy: They were all pretty good. The shark in the water there, being all mean and what not.
- Brent LeRoy: Hey, did you, did you like the part where the shark fought the dinosaur?
- Oscar Leroy: Yeah, that was okay, I guess.
- Brent LeRoy: How about the part where the shark grows legs and walks up on the beach and has a sword fight with the sheriff?
- Oscar Leroy: That part was a little farfetched for my taste.
- Lacey Burrows: Oh, my favourite part was when the shark went back to his home planet. It made me cry.
- Oscar Leroy: Yeah. Choked me up too... I gotta go.
- Lacey Burrows: He must have the director's cut.
- [front page of the Dog River Howler, headline: "Big City Woman Destroys Local Landmark". Sub-headline: "What kind of name is Lacey?"]
- Lacey: [entering, reading the newspaper] Well, that's fair.
- Brent LeRoy: Yeah. Hi, Lacey. I was kinda hoping you wouldn't see this.
- Wanda Dollard: The guy who runs the paper's just desperate for a story. You're the biggest news to hit town since that little space rock landed in Anderson's farm.
- Brent LeRoy: Killed one of his chickens.
- [front page of the Dog River Howler, headline: "Death From Above"]
- Brent LeRoy: He tends to sensationalize. So don't panic, it's not that bad.
- Lacey: Oh yeah, I suppose. I mean they could have run a photo of me in a Hitler moustache tossing puppies into a wood chipper.
- Hank Yarbo: Does such a photo exist?