- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I just came back from doing some laps in the pool.
- Carla Tortelli: How many of them?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Huh? Three. Takes about an hour.
- Cliff Clavin: Hey Coach, that's kind of slow, isn't it?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I could run a hell of a lot faster if they got the water out of there.
- Sam Malone: [about Diane] I don't like the look on her face.
- Carla Tortelli: I haven't seen one I do like.
- Sam Malone: I wrote pretty good in high school.
- Diane Chambers: You didn't write pretty good. You wrote pretty well.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [to Norm] Gee, I wish she'd make up her mind.
- Sam Malone: [to Diane] Whoa, wait a sec here. Listen, I got an idea. You're a pretty g... well writer.
- Diane Chambers: [seeing Dick Cavett enter the bar] Coach, do you know who that is?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Who, the guy with Dick Cavett?
- [Diane is helping Sam 'spice up' his memoirs]
- Diane Chambers: Coach, a glass of water, please.
- [Coach fills up a glass with water and hands it to her; Diane throws the water into her face]
- Diane Chambers: Boy, can I write.
- Diane Chambers: Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, you're Dick Cavett.
- Dick Cavett: Ah, well, I couldn't help being Dick Cavett.
- Diane Chambers: You must have a lot of close and dear friends in the publishing world.
- Dick Cavett: A few.
- Diane Chambers: Wouldn't it be a great thrill for you to run across a budding poetic genius?
- Dick Cavett: Only if I were wearing cleats.
- Sam Malone: I'm Sam Malone. I'm the owner of the bar, here. You want anything, you just call me.
- Dick Cavett: Hey wait. Sam Malone. You used to play baseball?
- Sam Malone: Yeah. That's right. You remember me?
- Dick Cavett: Sure. I saw you pitch once in Yankee Stadium.
- Sam Malone: Is that right. Did I have a good night?
- Dick Cavett: I hope so. You had a lousy day. If I remember, you hit three batters and you gave up back to back homers. Do you remember that game?
- Sam Malone: I had a drinking problem back in those days. There are a few things I don't remember, like, ooh, 1974, 1975...