- Diane Chambers: Good Lord, Sam, have you been swimming laps in that cologne of yours?
- Sam Malone: [wiping his shoes] No, I just dropped the bottle all over the floor in there. Another two dollars and fifty-cents down the drain.
- Diane Chambers: Ah, the big bottle.
- Diane Chambers: Is it possible that occasionally you people might spend an afternoon doing something that actually involves intelligent thought?
- Sam Malone: Like what?
- Diane Chambers: I can't conceive.
- Carla Tortelli: And we can all breathe a sigh of relief for that.
- Diane Chambers: [after a rendition of a chicken she does airs on a serious public television program] I made an absolute ass of myself.
- Norm Peterson: Oh, come on Diane, lighten up. It wasn't that bad, it really wasn't.
- Woody Boyd: Heck no, I've known chickens who can't do that as well as you.