- Sam Malone: [looking at Norm] What time is it?
- Norm Peterson: Cliff, how many beer have I had so far?
- Cliff Clavin: Eleven.
- Norm Peterson: 8:05.
- Diane Chambers: Sumner, let's cut the crap.
- Prof. Sumner Sloan: "Cut the crap"? What have they done to you in this place?
- [seeing Sam and Diane acting lovey-dovey]
- Norm Peterson: I miss the old days when they used to throw up at the sight of each other.
- Prof. Sumner Sloan: [about himself and Diane] Over dinner last night, a mutual friend of ours informed me that Diane works here. Is that correct?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Gee, I don't know. I wasn't at the dinner.
- Carla Tortelli: [to Sumner] You slime. You are a total scuzzball. You're not fit to live with sewer rats.
- Prof. Sumner Sloan: I can't defend myself.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: God, I thought she was talking to me.
- Sam Malone: Before I read War and Peace again in five days just to impress some broad, it's going to be a cold day in Minsk.
- Sam Malone: Why did you pick me?
- Diane Chambers: You read War and Peace.
- Sam Malone: So did he.
- Diane Chambers: You did it for me. I think it was harder for you - call it a hunch.
- Carla Tortelli: [hearing Sam and Diane arguing] You're not just doing this to get my hopes up, are you?
- Diane Chambers: [Sam and Diane settle down to read 'War and Peace] Let's go see the movie.
- Sam Malone: There's a movie? Cliff! I'll kill him!