- Larry: Hey, Norm, what's the matter? Don't you like having sex with your wife?
- Norm Peterson: We're not exactly what each other wants in a sexual partner, you know? For example, she wishes I looked a little more like Charles Bronson. And, um, I wished she looked a little less like Charles Bronson.
- Sam Malone: [after a fight about their past relationship, where Diane is about ready to storm out of Sam's office] I'm sorry.
- Diane Chambers: What?
- Sam Malone: I'm sorry. I did the best I could when I was with you. I mean, you're right, I have blind spots, and I'm not a very good boyfriend. I have never tried harder with any woman in my life. I mean, we had some bad times, but I tell you, the good times with you were some of the best of my life.
- Diane Chambers: That's the nicest thing you ever said to me.
- Sam Malone: Diane...
- Diane Chambers: No, Sam, stop. I want to get out of here before you say something stupid that ruins it.
- Sam Malone: Oh, no, no, no...
- Diane Chambers: No, no, no, no, now stop. Don't ruin it.
- Sam Malone: I'm not going to ruin, it. I...
- Diane Chambers: Sh-sh. Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
- [she walks out of the office]
- Sam Malone: [thinks for a second] Oh, yeah, that would have ruined it. Oh, would it ever.
- Diane Chambers: I really can't say anything.
- Sam Malone: Ahhh, I can't believe you're so blatantly jealous. You still can't stand the sight of me with another woman, huh?
- Diane Chambers: My heart goes out to any living creature in your company.
- Sam Malone: You know, one of these days you're going to wise up and realize that if you want a chance at getting back together with me, you're going to have to start talking a little nicer.
- Diane Chambers: Sam, you are an unmitigated egomaniac.
- Sam Malone: Too little, too late.