- Chris: Oracles, fortune tellers, soothsayers they all say the same thing : if Mum and Dad don't screw this month... I'm screwed.
- Jinny: You think these crystals can hold me?
- [sticks her hand out and is zapped]
- Paige: Nope. Not for long, that's why we're putting you back in your bottle.
- Jinny: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches.
- Paige: Oh yea? Well when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Haha! How do you like that?
- [turns and leaves]
- Phoebe: You're the one that split them up. And why did you split them up?
- Chris: Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your Whitelighter. It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil.
- Phoebe: You're unbelievable ! I mean, most kids who are the cause of their parents divorce actually feel guilty. And you're sitting here like it's part of your master plan !
- Chris: I'm sensing some real issues there.
- Paige: [Leo and Piper are asleep on the couch and cannot be woken] What's wrong with them?
- Chris: It's a long story.
- Paige: I don't know. Why don't you give me the Cliffnotes version.
- [Chris sighs]
- Paige: Come on Chris! You and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked. What's goin' on?
- Chris: All right. I made a little wish.
- Paige: You did what?
- Chris: Two little wishes.
- Paige: Oh great! It's not bad enough that I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?
- Chris: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.
- Paige: And?
- Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.
- Paige: You! Oh my god. You're sick! What is wrong with you?
- Chris: No...
- Paige: You're disghusting! You're some creepy registered sex offender from the future! Oh my god you're so gross!
- Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son!
- Paige: WHAT?
- Chris: They're my parents. I came back to save my family
- Paige: You're serious...
- Chris: Yea, only now I've got to save myself, because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.
- Paige: [sighs] This is all so wrong, and this has been such a long day.
- Piper Halliwell: [Phoebe appears as a blonde genie] You look ridiculous!
- Phoebe: I feel ridiculous.
- Piper Halliwell: Well, how am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?
- Phoebe: Is that all you care about? Would you look at me? I am trapped in pantaloons right now. Where is the mirror? Look. And why do I always get stuck with the wig?
- [Under the influence of a spell, Leo is writing Chris a letter of apology]
- Chris: Alright, alright, enough already ! You said you're sorry, let's just not go overboard.
- Leo Wyatt: Okay, but after everything I've put you through, I feel like I owe it to you.
- Chris: Honestly, a letter's not gonna mean a hell of a lot to me. I got plenty of them growing up.
- Piper Halliwell: What is this big emergency? Can't it wait an hour or... two?
- Chris: No, it can't. There's a demon on the loose, a genie running amok, AND it took me two wishes to get here.
- Chris: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but I'm running out of time here. A guy's gotta survive. I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.
- [Large diamond earrings appear on Paige's earlobes.]
- Phoebe: [to Jinny] Did you do that?
- Jinny: No, but they are lovely. Who conjured them for you?
- Paige: My boyfriend, Richard. He's been showering me with gifts all week.
- Phoebe: I thought you were gonna talk to him about binding his powers?
- Paige: I have... but every time I bring it up, I just get another present. Luxury problem, I know ! But still.
- [Phoebe has just set a demon free from a genie's bottle]
- Paige: What do you mean she didn't read the warning label?